PART 2: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Edward Cullen

Blogged on My Multiply dated December 20, 2009

In the still of the night
I held you so tight
Oh I love you so
Promise I’ll never let you go
In the still of the night

-“In The Still Of The Night” by the Akafellas


2009 made new bad habits for me to break. One that would be on top of this list is my insomnia which resulted to more bad habits like being late in class, waking up in the afternoon, surfing the net too long and others.


I probably should’ve chosen the song Insomnia for my intro but that would’ve been too easy. I love the song I chose and even if the Akafellas didn’t originally sung it, I still like their version better. The lyrics and the song itself match how I feel about my nocturnal moments. There is something about the stillness of the night that appeals to me. I enjoy the silence and darkness that wrap around my soul everytime it comes. I take comfort in the fact that I am the lone man standing in the family who is awake and that there are no eyes watching my every move. I make mistakes and no one bothers because they’re someplace else, consciousness not on their side.


I know how it all started. When my dad left for work (he’s a seaman) and my older sister migrated to Canada, I finally had the chance to get my own room, complete with everything I needed: bed, AC, a desktop computer and an internet connection. It was my version of heaven. I’d smoke in the room and no one would even know. The exhaust fan sucked in every smoke I exhaled, fresh air came in, and I’d smoke even more. It became a routine. I’d surf the net for hours and no one would blame me for costly electric bills. It was my version of heaven which was ironic because of the darkness.


I cannot diagnose myself as insomniac since I’m no doctor. But symptoms of it are proof that I am one. During the day, I always find myself dozing off in every place I go to. It seems like my eyes are somewhat allergic to daylight, they just shut on their own. I get naps in every way I can. I even mastered the art of sleeping in a sitting position. I just bow my head really low and I’m off to dreamland. And when night comes and I am at home and the opportunity to sleep the best sleep I can get is right in my face, I stay awake. It’s the weirdest thing. The night makes my eyes open in wonder and I feel that my whole day just started. I’m no Edward but I feel like a vampire hunting for blood. I thirst for something to do and I always end up in my room. I turn on the computer, light up a smoke, and I am high once again on Insomnia Marijuana.


I know how to stop this bad habit. I just have to reset my body clock and voila, I’m “normal” again. But the thing is, I don’t want to. I’m okay with it even if certain aspects of my life get affected.


The night brings me comfort and security. I feel safe in darkness. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I’m invisible.