change

Being yourself may not be the best thing to do especially if “yourself” is not a very good person. I’ve been trying constantly to change who I am physically and emotionally, not because I’m tired of being myself but because it is what society dictates me to do. I am gay and people always have the stereotypes of what a gay guy should look like. No, it’s not the cross-dressing part or the make-up and wigs. Since society itself has changed, it now associates gays with new things. It’s the hair, the tight-fitting shirt, the skinny jeans and the pouting whenever a camera is present. This is how gays look like today. The funny thing is that all hot gay guys look exactly the same. It’s like a scientist made clones for everyone to enjoy.

RoboGay: Hi, I’m a hot gay guy. I’ll be your entertainer for today!

Which bring us to what Gelo said to me, “Kaya walang lumalandi sa’yo eh. Mukha ka paring lalaki.” Friends have always said this to me. I don’t fit the norm of gay people. But then again, my voice always gives me away. Once I open my mouth and talk, people would know that I am indeed gay. But what if I don’t talk at all?

For a moment, I tried to fit in to the gay box. I did a makeover to myself with the help of Gelo and somehow we all thought it worked. Ginela would always tell me, “Oy, that (gay) guy is looking at you. Kilig!” and my assuming self agreed. I enjoyed it. It was of course an ego booster in every angle.

After a while, I got really tired of it all. It’s exhausting to be someone that you’re really not. It seemed like I was part of a play that would never end. Inside of me was a voice that wanted to shout, “Close the fucking curtains already! I’m done.”

It wasn’t me. I always thought of myself as someone who just wanted to be with my friends and hang-out. It is okay to meet new people but growing relationships with the one you already have is much more valuable.

I remember what Reverie said about another person who was greeting a lot of people, “Kaibigan kasi ‘yan ng bayan eh.”

And then last Wednesday while on our way to Gateway, Chandra said, “Mag-bar ka kasi para makahanap ka na ng boylet.” The thing is I am not a bar person and I am probably the most boring person to be in a bar with. First, I’m a morning person. I am most likely to be the first one to pull my friends away and ask to go home. Second, I TRY (I’m not saying I don’t) not to drink and smoke. Third, I don’t want to meet a guy in a bar. I guess it’s just me but I don’t think it’s the most romantic place to meet someone.

People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. This is probably true but only if the change you undergo is for the better. I am not saying that I am better than the gay guys who fit the norm because I am clearly not. I just don’t want to lose myself through the process. I did all the changes so that I could find my “someone” already and I don’t want that. I don’t want to change for a person. I just want to be loved for who I am.

Eh bat ikaw...

Would you change for someone to love you?

Random Notes:

*I was a bit disappointed with the last episode of Your Song. Though it had a pseudo-happy ending, it wasn’t the ending I wanted. Kulang. Bitin.
*The new McDo commercial is just plain kadiri especially the part where he tried to drink the water spurting out of the car.
*I am loving “My Girl”. Even if all of them look like cartoons, I think Kim is doing very well with her character. I’m glad she’s pulling it off. Kahit minsan OA na pero 'yun talaga siguro yung hinihingi ng role niya.
*Addicted to Amy Winehouse. Kahit durugista, okay lang. Ganda ng songs!
*It was really weird asking my blockmates their new sections. Ang sakit sa puso!
*While on our way home from Gateway, Kat and I saw a huge billboard of Chris Tiu modeling Hanford. He was just wearing a black sando. The biceps mhen-->Makalaglag panty at brief, makapigtas bra, makatulo mens. Lahat na! Ang amo pa ng mukha niya, mukhang masarap alagaan. Joke.
*I wanna watch Sex and the City so badly. I was big fan of the show when it was still airing on HBO. I miss Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and of course Samantha! Okay, I just want to see Jason Lewis again. Rawr! Will watch next week after I enroll para may kick back. Sa Alabang nalang siguro ako manonood para sundo ni mama. Yipee!
*I opened my Friendster profile for everyone. Wala namang sikreto dun eh. Search niyo ko ah: “Jhong Valencia”. Add me up. Yey!
*Thank You to Esfrey, Meann, Vanie, Tere and Kat for the ego boosters last Wednesday. Sige na Kat, feeler na ko. Haha!
*Sabi ni Lou, sumingkit daw ako lalo. Waaaah! wala na kong mata.
*Miss ko na comments ni cely, liz at tonton. Busy na siguro sila kasi lapit na pasukan.
*It’s the last Friday of May.
*June, here I come. Parang hinihintay ako ni June ah. Ngye corny!

your song

Brothers and Sisters
Six Feet Under
Will and Grace
Queer as Folk
Ugly Betty
Hollyoaks (UK)
Forbidden Love (Germany)
Les Bleus (France)
Clara Sheller (France)

These are tv shows which have prominent gay characters. I watched the first five on dvd and the others on YouTube (thank God!).

It is sad that here in the Philippines, we rarely see shows with a gay character.

But then, this month’s ‘Your Song’ on ABSCBN finally has..not one but three gay characters and it IS centered on a gay storyline. From the first time I saw the teaser, I knew that I would glue myself to the television to watch this one. I’ve never been more excited about a show since the first book of ‘Maging Sino Ka Man’ (the second one was bleh!).



This month’s Your Song with the title “Without You” is a milestone in Philippine Television History. It’s the first time that the lead character is a clear representation and a more realistic portrayal of a gay man. The story is everything gay and it is a love story. The theme song is sung by Erik Santos which makes it even gayer!



Joross Gamboa is Bobby. Victor Basa is John. Cathy Gonzaga is Jen. Bobby likes John. John is Jen’s brother. Jen likes Bobby.

Bobby is a Culinary Arts graduate and the chef of their restaurant. John is a Law graduate who has already taken, and unfortunately, failed the Bar Exams twice so he needs to take it again. Jen happens to be the sweet, caring, and loving sister of John.
Bobby will do everything just to get John’s attention and Jen will not stop until she gets Bobby’s heart. She would always give gifts and bake something for Bobby.

Bobby confides his problems to his chef best friend (Lui Villaruz).



I applaud the writers for a great story.

Joross is amazing and very much TOO convincing that I have to wonder if he really is gay.

Lui Villaruz sucks as the best friend. Mediocre acting.

Victor Basa is okay. Not so good but not bad either.

Cathy Gonzaga is wonderful. Hilarious. Likeable.

This show has very memorable lines like:

“Janice is you” –Bobby to John (yung mga nanonood lang ang makaka-gets nito)

“Hindi kita puwedeng mahalin KASI MAHAL KA NG KAPATID ko.” –John to Bobby

Bobby: Ako muna
John: Hindi, ako muna

It’s hard to watch this show since it’s every Sunday and my sisters are all in the house and I find it very difficult to sneak and watch it without them raising an eyebrow. Damn!

The last episode is on Sunday. I don’t want it to end yet!

Random Notes:

*Belated Happy Birthday to Shandy! I had fun last Wednesday.
*I overheard some guy at Shandy’s party saying, “Ang galing ni David Hortaleza sa American Idol”. He was obviously joking and it was so funny.
*David Cook won American Idol. I wanted Archuleta to win but I guess Cook deserved it.
*No reshuffling. Yey!
*Watching a lot of videos on YouTube. Overload na!
*Downloaded Chico and Del’s Top Ten. I just discovered the site recently. I downloaded a lot. I love Chico. Is he gay?
*Few weeks ago, I found out that “Bleeding Love” was actually written by the front man of OneRepublic and chenen…Jesse McCartney. Who would’ve thought?
*Crash No More: We just had everything re-installed. Yey!
*Meet up with Kat later. Starbs! God, I miss her. Kaaaaaaaaattttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!

crashed

I'm really bummed right now because our pc just crashed. I'm in a computer shop and I cannot write a decent entry. I'll just share to you my current favorite song. ahaha! koneksyon.

It's another "we belong together"-kind of song from Mariah Carey. Ang sakit sa puso! Kumusta naman.




Lyrics:

I STAY IN LOVE

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you dont' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
Baby, baby
I stay in love with you

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love.

Random Notes:

*Monday: Finals on Finance. Last day!
*Will start working out. Career kung career!
*Done with the new hairstyle. Back to the old one.

the inevitable

It’s inevitable that this is a mother’s day entry.

It’s really sad that this coming Sunday, my mom will not be with us because she’s been in Bora with friends since yesterday. Sosyalan! Sa Monday pa balik niya.

If I had to describe my mother with just one word, it would have to be GENEROUS. She is the most giving person I know. That’s why God also gives her a lot of blessings back. It’s karma.

Anyway, people always say that they want their own mother to be their bestfriend.

Well I don’t.

What do I do with a bestfriend?

Probably laugh, tell jokes, share problems, talk about crushes and sex stuffs.

I don’t want to do those things with my mother…especially the last two. Siguro pwede pa ‘yung laugh and tell jokes because my mom has a very good sense of humor. But crushes and sex? No way!

I want my mom to be A MOM. I still want her to be strict, to make rules, to text me just to know where I am and that I am safe, to give me money (har!); to do all the things that parents do and still make time to bond with me and have the most fun ever!

I love my mom. I’m not going to say that she’s the best mom in the world because, well, maybe she isn’t. Hahahaha!

But to me, she’s the best. I Love you Ma! Happy Mother’s Day!

Random Notes:

*I kept it short. I didn’t want to bore you with all my seriousness.
*Mariah got married. Bummer!
*Summer Classes will end next week. Wuhoo!
*Hoping that Nicole of PBB goes home tomorrow. Ang landing bata! Okay lang rin kung si Rona.
*Bought a new bag. Yey!
*Apparently, the character of Eric (Gossip Girl) is gay. Nice one!
*Kevin and Scotty (Brothers and Sisters) are getting married. Sweet.
*Watched pilot of “Samantha Who” last Sunday. Christina Applegate was hilarious.
*Nothing much this week. Konting kakiligan.
*I’m planning to have my eyebrows pierced again tomorrow. Ahahah! Tsk.

someone better

I was listening to RX once again and the topic for their top ten of the day was “the difficult choices of your life.” One guy texted: I think I found my soulmate, my one great love. But the thing is I have a girlfriend of eight years. Though we’re not really having any problems, I just think that I would be happier with the other girl. Should I break up with my girlfriend and pursue the other girl or should I stay with my girlfriend and forever wonder what could’ve been?

Those were not his words exactly. I just rephrased it but you get the drift, right? Anyway, if I would be in the same situation, I probably would’ve gone crazy at this very moment. Mahirap talaga solusyonan ang ganyang problema. You really don’t know what choice to take and what decision to make.

I have never been in love. It’s true. All I had were what I call “Extreme Infatuation” which lasted for a month or two. So whatever opinion I will give about this issue are not based from any experience and should not be taken so seriously. I just want to give my two cents on the issue.

I have a couple of friends who broke up with their respective boyfriends because they thought that the other guys they found were better than the previous ones. Is this the right mindset?

Joe D’ Mango’s statement comes to mind: Love is not finding someone better. It is staying with the one you found and making it work.

True.

But there is a dilemma: What if the other girl IS REALLY your soulmate and that you would really be happier with her, what would you do?

MY OPINION: You can never be sure if the other girl is your soulmate. The fact remains that no matter what happens, you will always find someone better. You can say that I am siding with Joe D’ Mango because, what the hell, he is the MAN when it comes to love. But what he said is definitely true. You also have to take into consideration the feelings of your current girlfriend. Kawawa naman siya. She’s not perfect and so is the other girl you found. And that other girl you found have flaws that you may not like as well. Pareho lang din! I think all you need is to make things more fun with your current girlfriend. Spice things up. Do activities you’ve never done before. Make it exciting once again. Get that ‘kilig’ factor just like the first time. Remember what you love about your girlfriend in the first place. Go from there.

THE VERDICT: Forget the other girl. Stay with your girlfriend. Make it work. Spark things up.

In the end, you’ll realize that you’ve just made the right choice!

Random Notes:

* Pwede ko na ata palitan si Joe D’ Mango. Career ito!
* I am now sporting the ‘gay hairstyle’. You know, the one with the quasi-Mohawk with the side bangs and stuff. Gets? Gelo made me do it. He’s making me gayer everyday. I love it, though. It’s Siriano-fierce!
*Speaking of Gelo, he introduced me to a guy last Wednesday whose name is Patrick Valencia. Same as mine. The catch is…he’s gay too. Grabe! That is so COINCIDENCE INCARNATE. Sorry for using ‘incarnate’ once again. I know it’s getting old. Can’t help it. Sorry. Ang galing kasi! Sobrang coincidence.
* Maligno’s pilot was exceptional. I got to see Rafael Rossel’s butt crack for a split second. I wonder how it passed the MTRCB’s standards.
* My iPod has a new case and it’s purple. Ang bakla talaga!
* I bought new dvds of “Love In The Time Of Cholera”, Seasons 3 and 4 of “Project Runway” and Seasons 3, 4 and 5 of “Will and Grace.” Marathon na!
*Uno prelim grade ko sa Finance. Fair enough. Yabang. Ahahaha!
*Failed to watch “Manay Po 2”. Meron pa ba? My mom keeps bugging me to watch “When Love Begins…” with her. Eh ayoko talaga nun eh!
*Nag-report na kami ni eng blockmate ko. Okay naman. Hihi!
*MAY na! Grabe, time flies by so fast.
*I hope either Jolas or Rona goes home tomorrow.