Long time no see. It was a year ago when I last wrote an entry for this blog. I have been thinking of going back here and writing shit again for several months. And now the time has come. What's new? Nothing. Well that's not entirely true. Of course, something happened. I wasn't in a coma for the past year and suddenly woke up at the end of 2011.
Where to start though?
January, I worked in Convergys.
February, I had surgery because of gallstones.
March, I'm jobless. marched for graduation
April, Summer--went nowhere.
May, started working out again.
June, applied for a job in Teleperformance
July, started the call center work...again.
August, birthday--went nowhere
September, still working
October, still working
November, resigned at call center job
December, still living it.
So the significant part of the year consists of my surgery and working at 2 call centers. Both events I don't want to happen again. I'm done with call centers. It fucked up my body clock.
I wouldn't say 2011 was all bad. I got to meet a lot of people--friends. I don't regret the relationships I've made with these people. I will never forget them.
And why am I writing this now? The year ending always gets to me. I feel nostalgic every time. And I really have to brush up my writing skills. I am writing a one-act play so I can submit it by the first quarter of next year for a contest. Keep your fingers crossed. I hope I win this one. I really believe in the story and it has been boiling in my mind for a long time.
I hope to regularly write in this blog. Twitter is already killing me. I want paragraphssss!
Been A While...
The People Person
I just resigned from my first real job after one week. I can't believe I just quit from something. I always say "I did not quit smoking, I will not quit this". I feel like such a failure. Although I feel that I cannot spend another day in that fucking office.
I was an administrative assistant at Saga Events Inc. aka I was the "utusan" of everyone. I set up meetings, I answer the fucking phone (which I hate doing even at home!), I print documents, I walk around back and forth to everyone and do chores they wouldn't want to do. It was like I was having my OJT again, full-time this time. Although I felt that since it was my first job, I had to start at the bottom of the food chain. I had to struggle. But the thing is, I knew I was smarter that the things I was doing.
That's another problem really. I think so highly of myself that I thought job offers would come piling up once I graduated from college. Well, it didn't. Saga was the first company that offered so I grabbed it right away. Without even a month after graduating, I was working my fucking ass off as the caretaker of every employee who were doing REAL JOBS. I wasn't expecting to be the fucking boss, but I felt that I was capable of doing something more.
I also thought that I was people person, but I am not. I wanted to think that I was tolerant enough of other people's deviant behavior and quirks. The people in the company were social climbers to say the least. Most of them were graduates of UST and I thought right away that I could blend in with my ka-jologsan and shit. It turned out most of them were like Gossip Girl characters come to life. And the fact is, I hate Gossip Girl. There was not an ounce of any Thomasian Value in any of these people. Don't get we wrong though, they were nice and all. I just could not identify with any of them.
I guess Events is not really for me. You have to climb the social ladder to succeed in the industry. And I'm not that kind of person. I want to think that I'm a simple person with simple dreams.
I also realized that it is important for me to get a job where I get along with my co-workers. Even if a job is shitty, the bond you form with your colleagues make you want to get up early in the morning every single day.
I was super depressed with my job the last week that I started eating my feelings. I feel like I gained weight already. It sucks.
The thing that I will take out of this experience is the fact that I have to really think about what I want to do in my life. Weigh every possibility while there is still time. I will let this year pass and hopefully I have made my decision by then.
Babalik ka rin.
Yehey bago na layout ng blog ko! Dapat talaga gagawa ako ng bagong blog sa wordpress kaso naisip ko na balikan ito dahil dito nagsimula ang lahat para sa akin. Hindi ito ang una kong blog. Siguro pang-lima ko na yata ito. Ayoko nang lumipat sa bago, tapos titigil lang din ako ulit.
Ganito nga din kasi ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kahit anong gawin ko sa buhay at kahit saan man ako magpunta, babalik at babalik parin ako sa pagsusulat. Ito ang nagsisilbing outlet ko sa bawat nararamdaman sa kasalakuyan.
Hindi madali para sa akin ang pagsusulat. Madalas ay ipinagliliban ko ito. Magsusurf sa internet, mafefacebook, twitter. Pag dinatnan na ko ng antok, matutulog na at ipapangakong kinabukasan nalang ako magsusulat. Pero sadly, umuulit lang ang ginagawa ko. Hindi na naman ako magsusulat. Sakit ko na yan matagal na.
Ngayon ay maraming nakapilang istorya na dapat isulat. Dalawa para sa Palanca at isa para sa scriptwriting contest ng Film Development Counil of the Philippines (FDCP). Oo, sasali na naman ako! Dati ayokong sinasabi na sasali ako sa kahit anong contest dahil baka lamang ma-jinx ito. At takot ang isipin ng mga tao na umaasa lang ako o kaya nagyayabang na baka manalo. Ngayon ay wala na akong pakialam. Sasalihan ko kung ano man ang gusto ko at bahala na ang Diyos kung ano ang kahihitnatnan ng mga ito.
Tatlong kwento sa aking isipan: dulang may isang yugto at dalawang dulang pampelikula. Wala pa akong nasisimulan kahit isa. Tamo, inuna ko pa ang pagba-blog kaysa doon. April 30 ang deadline para sa Palanca at sa May naman ang FDCP. Dati na akong sumali sa Palanca. Dalawang categories din ang ipinasok ko. Talo pareho!
Ganunpaman, hindi ako nadi-discourage sa pagiging talunan. Para sa akin ay sa mga talong gawa ako natututo. Ang importante ay ang hindi sumuko. Sulat lang ng sulat. Sali lang ng sali. Malay mo makatsamba.
Kapag tinatanong ako kung masarap ba ang magsulat, lagi kong sagot ay hindi. Masarap ang NAKAPAGSULAT NA. Napakamadugo ng proseso ng pagsusulat. Kung minsan ay para bang nababaliw na ako. Nagiging autistic. Kadalasan masungit. Parang nireregla. Hindi mo ako makakausap ng matino kapag nagsusulat dahil ang atensyon ko ay nasa mga karakter na aking binubuo at storyline na pilit kong itinatahi hanggang sa ending.
Ang masarap nga ay ang nakapagsulat na. Kapag tapos na ang kwento at handa nang ipabasa sa mundo. Para akong nag-labor ng ilang buwan at ang tunog ng printer ang nagsisilbing pag-iri habang lumalabas ang final draft na itinuturing kong aking baby.
Hindi ko alam kung ito na talaga ang aking magiging hanapbuhay. Hindi ko din alam kung magiging successful ako sa aking tinatahak na landas. At lalong hindi ko alam kung ilang contest pa ang aking sasalihan, manalo man o matalo. Ang sigurado ay habambuhay akong magsusulat. Malamang ay titigil ako pansamantala, buwan o taon man. Pero alam ko na babalikan ko ito. Magsusulat akong muli. Ito lang ang alam kong gawin. Dito ako masaya. Dito ko nahahanap ang sarili ko.
PART 4: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Sarah Jessica Parker
Blogged on My Multiply dated December 25, 2009
I.
I have a lot to be thankful for this year. 2009 has been good to me. Sometimes I wonder why God is giving me so much--more that what I really need. I am so blessed with my family, friends and career (in the process). I don't know what I did to even deserve all of these, and I am a bit afraid that in the future, God would ask something in return that I might not want to give. Whatever the reason for the endless blessings, I am forever grateful.
I may have had trials here and there this year, but they weren't things I couldn't handle. I finally learned to believe in myself which I actually found very hard to do before. I have a great support system that fuels my self-esteem. And I finally learned that by faking confidence, you gain confidence. I'm not sure if you get that but that's what it is. Maybe The Secret really works.
I always tell people that I'm not a religious person, and it's still true to this day. I still hate hearing mass and observing holy days of obligation. But given this fact, I believe in God. I may not pray much but I know that He is there guiding me through the right path. I am a worldly person and I easily give in to temptation. I can be easily influenced by people in doing things I shouldn't do. I turn to Him and ask for wisdom to do what is right and what is good.
I want to be good.
2009 is also the start of my dreams coming true. I won in a writing competition last September and that victory gave me a reason to believe again in what I can do. I was always afraid of what I'll become once I graduate. A bum? A call center agent? (not that there is something wrong with that) A corporate employee? A banker, perhaps? After that win, my wanting to be a writer woke up again. And I think that's a good thing, to have THAT dream again of becoming something, a someone. We should never give up on our dreams. Never think that it's too late. A lot of people even fulfill their dreams at the later part of their lives. You are not too old or young to do the things you want. A dream is worth living for.
II.
My clock says three o'clock. It is Christmas morning. I just finished watching The Family Stone. I decided to make it a tradition to watch the film during this season. It is my favorite Christmas movie. The most intense scene (and my favorite) was the dinner sequence when Sarah Jessica Parker's character said that no parent wishes to have a gay child, which offended everyone at the dinner table since one of their brothers was gay. Diane Keaton's character, the mother, told his son that she loved him no matter what any other assholes say. The way she acted it, through sign language (the gay son was deaf), was really touching. I couldn't help but get teary-eyed everytime.
III.
I'm not sure if this will be the last entry of my series. I might write another one before the year ends. But if I don't, I'd like to take this chance to thank all the people who made an impact in my life this year. I learned a lot from all of you and I am glad that you were a part of the reason why I am ending 2009 with the biggest smile on my face. Let us all be merry on this wonderful season, reflect on the year we just had, and learn from the mistakes we foolishly committed along the way. I wish nothing but the best for all of you, and may 2010 bring us more unforgettable moments we would also cherish through the years. God Bless and Merry Christmas!
IV.
To my grandparents, Jeremias Roman Sr. and Francisca Sarmiento Roman.
I will never forget.
PART 3: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Dimples Romana
Blogged on My Multiply dated December 22, 2009
I value my friends. So much sometimes that I tend to become really possessive of them. You'd surely see an eyebrow raise if you tell me that you're going out with some other friend instead of me. Since I'm not in a romantic relationship, my friends are the ones who help me reach orgasm. No, not that kind--a different high. They are the people I look forward to seeing everyday in school. Of course I don't go there to learn. Who does anyway? Ha!
I have two sets of friends today in college. My block friends and my dorm friends. They are two different group of people that I know would somehow clash if placed in a room together. Something I discovered about myself this year is that I can adapt into any kind of human behavior. I realized that I am good with people. I used to think that I was an introvert. But looking at most of my pictures in Facebook I saw that I was always with another person/s, no solo shots except for profile pics which were actually cropped from group pics. So go figure.
I love both sets of friends. I feel comfortable around them and I am always assured that they would not turn their backs on me even if I do foolish things. When I was in elementary, my cousin would always tease me that my only friend was the librarian in school. It was true, I guess. Nerdy me way back when would seclude himself from his classmates and read books at the far corner of the library. I'm not sure how I progressed socially but I'm very glad I got over that stage. I still bury myself in books, though.
I love being a friend to somebody. I can finally relate to every character Dimples Romana has played in her entire career--always the bestfriend, never the bida. She's like Nikki Valdez to Claudine Barretto or Dominic Ochoa to Rico Yan. But Dimples, she never chose her co-actors. She can play the bestfriend of anybody, the supportive confidante of the miserable protagonist. It is very unfortunate because she's a really good actress.
I just added that paragraph to justify my title. Sorry. Anyway, this year I lost a friend. No, the friend didn't die. The relationship did. I can safely say that now because I cannot imagine what it would be like if we were friends again. "The friend" was someone I considered my bestfriend. We were always together in school and people always asked me why the other was not around and vise-versa. And yet somehow, friendships are not perfect. There are troubles that come your way and you hope that you will resolve everything when the time comes. The problem with this relationship is that the time never came. Yes, we still talk. But not like we used to anymore. You can say that we're civil--occasional hi's and hello's.
I easily trust people. I hate that about myself. I never doubt a person's kindness, even at first meeting. I always see the good in people (or maybe i just blind myself from seeing the ugly) and I believe that no person is pure evil. Um, maybe Ampatuan. But then, once you break that trust, you will never get it back. That's for sure. In my mind, you will always be that person who did me wrong. Yes we can still talk but we will never be like we used to.
Thus, there are only a few people I really consider my friends. Others are mere acquaintances. People fail me most of the time and they never live up to what I consider a friend. As I've written in the previous entry, I set a high standard for myself...and for other people.
I am a good friend, only if you are. It's always a two-way relationship.
Tell me, who wants a friend who talks endlessly and yet never listens to any of your shit? I say, fuck you self-absorbed bitch!
PART 2: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Edward Cullen
Blogged on My Multiply dated December 20, 2009
In the still of the night
I held you so tight
Oh I love you so
Promise I’ll never let you go
In the still of the night
-“In The Still Of The Night” by the Akafellas
2009 made new bad habits for me to break. One that would be on top of this list is my insomnia which resulted to more bad habits like being late in class, waking up in the afternoon, surfing the net too long and others.
I probably should’ve chosen the song Insomnia for my intro but that would’ve been too easy. I love the song I chose and even if the Akafellas didn’t originally sung it, I still like their version better. The lyrics and the song itself match how I feel about my nocturnal moments. There is something about the stillness of the night that appeals to me. I enjoy the silence and darkness that wrap around my soul everytime it comes. I take comfort in the fact that I am the lone man standing in the family who is awake and that there are no eyes watching my every move. I make mistakes and no one bothers because they’re someplace else, consciousness not on their side.
I know how it all started. When my dad left for work (he’s a seaman) and my older sister migrated to Canada, I finally had the chance to get my own room, complete with everything I needed: bed, AC, a desktop computer and an internet connection. It was my version of heaven. I’d smoke in the room and no one would even know. The exhaust fan sucked in every smoke I exhaled, fresh air came in, and I’d smoke even more. It became a routine. I’d surf the net for hours and no one would blame me for costly electric bills. It was my version of heaven which was ironic because of the darkness.
I cannot diagnose myself as insomniac since I’m no doctor. But symptoms of it are proof that I am one. During the day, I always find myself dozing off in every place I go to. It seems like my eyes are somewhat allergic to daylight, they just shut on their own. I get naps in every way I can. I even mastered the art of sleeping in a sitting position. I just bow my head really low and I’m off to dreamland. And when night comes and I am at home and the opportunity to sleep the best sleep I can get is right in my face, I stay awake. It’s the weirdest thing. The night makes my eyes open in wonder and I feel that my whole day just started. I’m no Edward but I feel like a vampire hunting for blood. I thirst for something to do and I always end up in my room. I turn on the computer, light up a smoke, and I am high once again on Insomnia Marijuana.
I know how to stop this bad habit. I just have to reset my body clock and voila, I’m “normal” again. But the thing is, I don’t want to. I’m okay with it even if certain aspects of my life get affected.
The night brings me comfort and security. I feel safe in darkness. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I’m invisible.
PART 1: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Julia Roberts
Blogged on My Multiply dated December 19, 2009.
[I will not write for an audience this time. These words are for me and I shouldn’t care if this doesn’t get any views or comments. This is all about me and I don’t expect anyone to read nonsensical shit that happened in my life and it’s 2:45 am and I hope this gets buried among other updates if anyone still uses this shitty website. I am doing my best not to break my thoughts into sentences although I must say that if you DO read this, I ask you not to spill any names of persons I pertain in this post. Keep your mouth and vagina shut and this is just too long for you to read you self-absorbed bitch—with a smile.]
I learned a lot these past (almost) twelve months. I was in a relationship when the year started. I was happy because I knew that was what I wanted. When I was a bit younger not too long ago, I fantasized what it was like to have someone, to have my own someone. I made different scenarios in my head involving flowers, movies, countless dates and public proposals which I all hoped would happen to me. It was my very own Julia Roberts movie playing in my head.
I was in a hurry to have my someone that every person I met was a prospect. I would look at a certain guy and wonder if he was also looking my way, if he smiled, if he found me cute, if he loved me. In a snap, I had this stranger’s head cut out and pasted in a headless cardboard of a man in suit, holding flowers he’d give me at the end of our date. Every night, the cut out would change depending on the face of a guy I just met. I imagined him going to the classroom unexpectedly just to give me chocolates or announce to everyone that he loved me. It was the attention whore in me that sewed these delusions in my brain. I was writing my own fairytale. I couldn’t wait to meet that someone that I jumped into a relationship without the first thing that should’ve been there when it started. Love. Yes, I was affectionate to this person. I sent text messages everyday. I gave gifts during important events such as his birthday, Christmas and monthsaries. I did everything I was supposed to do not because I loved him but it was expected of me.
He was a great guy. He was smart, cute and funny. My friends said that I was luckier to have him than he was to me. He was the sweetest person in the world which made it even harder to break everything off. It was the superficial me that wanted to end things. I couldn’t say to anyone, not even to my friends that the real reason I left him was because I felt that I could do better. I didn’t want to settle for anything less and I could certainly find someone really good looking who would love me just as much. It’s harsh I know. You can say that THAT is not love but mere infatuation and physical attraction. So let me give the scenario that he loves me for who I am and that I love him for who he is. Let us not be hypocrites here. Clearing the love issue, who would you go for: the cute one or the hot one? No competition here mister.
It is never wrong to set your standards high. It only means that you value yourself more than others do. I still fantasize about my Julia-esque movie and I still long for that handsome Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, carriages and all. I admit I think highly of myself that people sometimes mistake it for arrogance. Hmm…maybe it is arrogance. I don’t know and I’m not sure. Whatever it may be, I am not ashamed to say that I want someone very good looking with a hot body to boot. I wouldn’t care people staring at us, whispering “Mismatch!” I got rid of my insecurities to even bother caring what those jealous bitches think.
So how’s single life treating me? It’s the best! When I got out of the relationship, I started enjoying my single blessedness more. I love all the other terms people call it: alone, solo, stag, etcetera. But my favorite is Individual. I am an individual. It sounds strong and very Joan of Arc. It feels like I can do anything and no one can ever stop me. It feels alive. It feels “here”.
Now that I’ve experienced being in a relationship, I’m in no hurry to be in another one. My close friends keep asking me if I have someone new and I keep telling them the same answer, I’m not even looking. They never believe me but it’s the truth. I’m still young and I enjoy what I have right now. I get to focus building relationships with new friends and strengthening bonds with old ones. I am good at only having friends and the love they show me is sufficient enough that I don’t go looking for it from anyone else. I also realized that I am a better friend than a boyfriend. I more affectionate with them and I care more about them. I just came home from my barkada’s Christmas Party at MoA. I have never enjoyed myself more. They are my Julia Roberts movie.
I am ending the year with a bang. Hinde, wala akong putok.
*This post is the first part of my 2009 Year In Review. I started with Love because that is the only topic everyone is interested in. I blame keso romantic comedies for it.
By the way, I take everything I wrote in my intro back. I want comments. I need comments. Attention whore, remember? And if you still use Multiply, that is. Facebook is dominating the world. I’m going back to Friendster. Ha!
the end
endings are always sad.
but i'm putting a period on this one with a smile.
i'm happy...finally.
this is jhong, signing out.
redemption
you might have noticed that i haven't written a decent blog entry for several weeks now.
it's the laziness in me.
or maybe it's just that i have found other fun and interesting things to do other than blogging.
lapit na sembreak. i promise to redeem myself by then.
Random Notes:
*no decent sleep. puro bar. kakasawa din pala.
*uno sa social dance. wuhooooo! thanks to my career mode pe mates.
*catv awards this week. as if i care.
*will go swimming with the bitches. ehehehe!
*hamster. mamatay na!
i'm a beach...or NOT
betsy, kat and i were talking about what we're going to do this sembreak and i realized that i haven't really been at the beach. that's a life goal. gulat na gulat si bets kasi ako lang daw ang kaisa-isang tao na alam niya hindi pa nakakapag-beach.
there's really no exact reason why i haven't experieced beaches. my sisters have had in the past with their friends. with the whole family? never been. i guess it's just that we don't really go out that much. we don't make time for it. usually, mall lang kame talaga. haaay. weird stuffs.
anyway, un lang. the year won't end without me going to thew beach! sana matuloy. or else.....
HARAKIRI!
chos.
Random Notes:
*First time at gov with gelo and kat. graaaaabbbbeee! un na.
*will go to BED next. tsk. Libre, sir galan!
*will watch sisterhood of traveling pants on wednesday. sama kayo.
*social dance madness. last meeting na sa saturday. yeah!
*lapit na sembreak. sa wakas.
*will not wait anymore. i'm happy.
ay nalaglag!
last week, nalaman ko na nagpalaglag ng anak yung kasambahay namin. sobrang nakakagulat. the day before she said it to us was the day she had her baby aborted. natulala ako for at least five minutes. hindi ko alam kung paaano magre-react. parang sumakit yung puso ko. masyado akong affected since kakapanganak nga lang ni ate so i really value life right now and how miraculous bearing a baby could be.
grabe talaga! rawr! tigre? chos.
Random Noes:
*I'm obviously too lazy to write a normal entry.
*Bought seven dvds. lahat series! ghost whisperer, medium, weeds, samantha who, pushing daisies, 30 rock and eli stone. still have to finish boston legal and chuck. wuhooo!
*Still reading "A Million Little Pieces". kailangan ko na matapos ito. i have to move on. ahahah!
*i'm feeding my soul with beauty and art. hmmm...
*will quit smoking. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
wala
wala akong masulat.
sobrang wala.
alam mo yung wala?
ako yun.
wala akong naiisip.
puro wala.
andami nang wala.
pero minsan kapag sobra na ang wala.
unti-unting nawawala ang wala.
gets mo?
ako rin hinde. nakakatawa.
wala. nawawala.
nawawala.
nawawal.
nawawa.
nawaw.
nawa.
naw.
na.
n.
.
Random Notes:
*We qualified for the catv awards! galing ng hiphiphuriy productions.
*binyag na si king!
*watched "twenty questions" sa university of makati. even went backstage and met the cast. sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
ricardo joaquin
yep, he's my newborn nephew!!!
Ricardo Joaquin V. Ayson was born on August 24, 2008. Just a day after my birthday. Go Virgo babies!
Haay, ang sarap ng feeling. Pangalawang pamangkin ko na ito. Ang cute talaga ng mga babies. Gusto ko narin. Wala nga lang akong matris. Takte!
He's so chinito. Grabe! May dimples pa si gago. Loves it.
Random Notes:
*Directing children's show. Pressssuuuureee!
*Eyebags galore.
*Pumapayat na ko. I'm loving stress.
*Sleep-deprived. Kasalanan 'to ng mga dormates ko. hehe!
*Qualified for CaTV awards. Go Nikka!
*Saw my cousin crush. Tsk. bad.
*Need new songs for my iPod.
nineteen
Nineteen starts tomorrow. I don’t know how I feel exactly. I guess I’m happy that I’ll be a year older. I have nothing against it unlike other people who complain about getting older. It actually gives me a great feeling. Confidence, I guess. I feel wiser. I feel more mature. I feel experienced. I feel that I can overcome any problems. Shoot.
Whenever my birthday comes, I have this unconscious habit of reflecting what my life has become. Have I learned anything? Have I really been wiser? More mature? Experienced? It’s hard to answer life questions. It’s even more painstakingly difficult to analyze who you are and what you have become. Only the people around you can make you realize that. I know one thing though and that is I know more.
I am babbling, sorry. Words escape me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am scared of what nineteen is going to give me, what experiences I would have at this age and what lessons I would learn along the way. And yet I can’t also wait for nineteen, to give me the excitement I’ve been longing forever, the friendships that would grow even more, and the love that has long been waiting for me at the end of this road.
Ah, to be a teenager! The last chapter in this part of my life.
Here’s to nineteen!
*Will watch Lea Salonga’s Cinderella tomorrow. With Ate Lecky. CCP.
*Will celebrate my birthday on Sunday.
*Papa’s home. He bought me a pair of shades with a built-in mp3 player. Cool subra!
*Chocolates overload. Eeeek! Never had a sweet tooth.
*Currently reading “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. Addicted! Pun intended for those who know the book.
*Current LSS: Old School Alanis Morissette. “Head Over Feet” is really is it! Ahaha!
*The week of No Classes. Boredom. I’d rather go to class. Weird me.
*Didn’t smoke from Sunday to Wednesday. Nakakagigil!
*New casing for my phone. Yey! 411: I had my phone since I was in 4th year High School. Antique na ‘to sakin. Attached na ko. Hehe!
*With Shandy last Wednesday. Saya!
plastic
Photo Taken By: Kristine Talusan
Courtesy of: Adrian Pacific Ong
Models: Adrian Pacific Ong and Frances Ogilvie
I’ve been plastic all my life. I’m not a bad person. I’m not mean. I’m just plain plastic. It’s necessary. If I weren’t plastic I probably would’ve been dead right now because my enemies had already killed me.
You can’t please everybody and people can’t always please you. In life, you encounter people that you just don’t get. You meet people and mingle and yet there’s something about them that you don’t like. What do you do? Be plastic.
You don’t snob them. That’ll just make things worse. You go about living your normal life without getting affected by these people you don’t like. You try to avoid being in their company just so you don’t have to be nice and all. But then eventually, these people would notice that you’re avoiding them and more so you don’t like them. How did they know? You backstabbed them. You told your friends that you hate this certain person. Word gets out and before you know it, everyone knows that you don’t like this certain person. And then, this certain person gives you the “if-you-have-to-say-something-bad-about-me-say-it-to-my-face” speech.
How do you respond to a confrontation like that? I probably would say the same thing that the great comedienne Kathy Griffin once did: “I don’t want to say anything to your face. Where’s the fun in that? I would actually wait after you leave then I’ll talk shit about you with my friends. In that sense, I get to be funnier making fun of you. Plus, there’s no conflict at all.”
I admit that it is wrong to be plastic but sometimes you have no choice but to be one. You want to avoid arguments so you act nice to those people that you don’t really like. It’s actually human nature. We usually hide what we truly feel.
Right now I am plastic to a certain group in my block. They understand each other and I really don’t get them. Whenever I see these people, I usually roll my eyes…in my mind. But when I’m around them I act like most angelic person there is, like I’m one of them.
It’s fun to be plastic. It’s thrilling. It makes living worthwhile. Ha!
Random Notes:
*Don’t ask me about the people I am being plastic to. I will never tell. Ask Pen. Haha!
*It’s my sister’s birthday!
*Prelims week is finally over.
*I was the lowest in the last SocioComm Test. I got 10/50. If I were in High School I probably would have cried about it for days.. But now, I don’t mind at all. I see the clearer picture. I’m aware. I didn’t study so I got a low grade, though I never expected to be the lowest. Haha! Will make bawi next time. Kaya ko ‘to!
*Pimple breakout.
*My birthday’s coming. Will be just another day. Here’s to 19!
confidence
Fake it ‘til you make it
--Pen
Pen was talking about confidence. I haven’t always been confident with the way I look. I used to be overweight and this is what caused my recurring low self-esteem. It’s something that I worked really hard to improve on. I started to work out. I did all kinds of diet and a lot of eating disorders came about. I was okay with it since I shed some wait over the past four years. I haven’t reached my desired weight and lately it has been a yo-yo ride for me looking in the mirror. Sometimes I like what I see but most of the time I don’t. I always ask my friends if I look okay or if the shirt I’m wearing doesn’t make me look fat. It’s already a bad habit.
This entry is not about my weight. What I really want to say is…
How come I had to do all these improvements in myself when there are people who would not even do a thing but still look great?!?!
There are people in this world who are naturally beautiful. I hate to say this but I envy these people. Impokrita na ang magsabi na kuntento na sila sa itsura nila kahit na ang chaka-chaka nila!
The tag line of “Nip/Tuck” comes to mind, “When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead.”
These beautiful people wake up in the morning with their untidy hair and morning glories and can still be in a television commercial as the after shot. Why did God make all these creatures? It still is a mystery to me.
But then again, there are people who are not good looking but still exude that appeal. There is always something that attracts you to them. There’s that instant eye movement magnet that makes you stop and stare. Pen says it is confidence. I guess it’s true. Celine, our lovely dorm mate is not drop-dead gorgeous. She’s okay. But she always exudes this confidence that makes her appealing to men. I guess it’s the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she runs her fingers through her hair, the way she moves her eyes, the way she bites her lips. It’s really interesting…weirdly enough.
Pen advised me to do the same thing. Have that confidence.
But how?!? Fake it ‘til you make it. Act as if you’re confident even if you’re not. Walk as if you feel like everyone’s looking at your beautiful face. Talk as if what you have to say matters.
I will definitely try this one. Will exude appeal eventually. Haha!
But my dear readers, let’s not forget that beauty fades. The important thing is that you’re a good person…………….NOT.
*_____________________________*
I went to Alicia Keys’ concert last Tuesday and as what I expected, it was fun, fun fun! She was almost two hours late but it was well worth it. She gave great performances. I enjoyed “No One” the most. Galeng! “If I Ain’t Got You” was her finale. Goosebumps!
Outside the venue:
Inside (with my sister):
With the friends we met there:
Find the hidden alicia keys:
O eto nalang:
Random Notes:
*It's 08-08-08! End of the world. Chos!
*Went to Cavite for Travel Show. Cameraman me! Suuubrang kapagod.
*Despedida party on Sunday for my sister. She’s going to Canada…for good. Haay!
*I now have a portable dvd player. Saya!
*Of course, I bought new dvds. Mostly horror. Bwahahaahh!
*Watched ‘My Sassy Girl’. Nice nice! Sobrang enjoy. Hmmm…
hate entry
this is a hate entry to someone in particular. someone older. someone preganant. someone who should start taking stresstabs. ang laki ng eyebags mo!
grrrr! inis na inis ako sa kanya kahapon. i've been ranting about the pressure of our tv prod for the past few weeks. the time to shoot came yesterday. i was not really nervous since i knew we had something good. i knew that at least we were ready and that what we had was something commendable and very entertaining. i was so confident.
during the shoot itself, i was in my element. we had the right ad libs, the right jokes, the right questions to our guests. it was really a smooth flow. i felt that we would get a grade that was deserving of what we had. a high grade. more than what we wanted.
but i guess, i expected too much.
or maybe THAT professor was just out of her mind.
DEFINITELY the latter.
Pen and I were the host and lo and behold, we had the lowest grade out of all the members. 86.
I wasn't expecting the highest grade out of all the members...but to be the lowest?!?
SHIT!
Hindi narin kami qualified for the CATV awards. Parang gago!
Not to be arrogant, but PEN and I carried the show. What irritated me the most was that the professor kept laughing on our jokes. I could even hear her laugh all the way from the booth...and yet she gave us the lowest grade. WALA SIYANG KARAPATANG TUMAWA KUNG BIBIGYAN LANG NIYA KAMI NG MABABANG GRADE. WALA SIYANG KARAPATANG MAG-ENJOY!
Even our blockmates thought that our show was good. What's her fucking problem?!?
Nakakaburat talaga. Inis na inis ako kahapon at pagod na pagod kaya hindi na ko pumasok ng Spanish Class. Natulog lang ako buong magdamag! Haaaay, ayoko na makita pagmumukha niya. Anong gagawin ko?!?
BLINDFOLD!
Random Notes:
*It's August! 22 days to go before my bday.
*I already have my Alicia tickets!
*Fat still.
*Drunk last Wendnesday. this is becoming a habit. haaay!
*Will be interviewed for Dartz' talks show.
*MoA last tuesday. New shirt! YEY!
*Will remain single until further notice.
quotable quotes
haay, wala na naman itong kwenta. compilation lang ito ng mga quotes, sayings, lyrics, whatever na nabasa ko sa kung saan saan.
Love : my job is the most important job of all, since the world cant live without me..
Friendship: my job is important too you know, without friendship there will be hatred among people
Friendship: but sadly.. sometimes... i end up doing your job..
just when when i was about to say i need you
just when i was about to say please stay
just when i was about to pull the biggest catch of my life
is the day you run away
-Spelling Contest
No one watches you walking away without wanting to be with you.
love means never having to say your sorry"
If you couldn't be with the person that you love, I guarantee that hearing him promise you, love you, honor you and cherish you, no matter what, would be pretty much all you could think about." – Izzie, Grey’s Anatomy
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man
thought to pick
the flower of forgetting
for myself,
but I found it
already growing in his heart.
- Ono no Komachi
I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows im crying...
Until God sends me my angel on earth to love and to cherish forever, I will be content to be alone. I have learned to swallow my loneliness like a bitter pill, hoping that my good behavior will make fate smile at me and say, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name is written on his heart."
"I choose to love you in silence for in silence I receive no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness for in loneliness, no one owns you but I. I choose to adore you from a distance for distance will shield us from pain. I choose to kiss you in the wind for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams for in my dreams, you have no end."
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
"I can't unlove you anymore."
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything its cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everthing for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. "
Erica Jong
"Take this razor and write your name across my wrist, so everyone will know who left me like this"
"some men see things as they are, and say why. i dream things that never were, and ask why not"
"i love you without knowing how, when or from where. i love you simply without problems or pride. i love you this way for i dont know any other way of loving you."
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how i loved her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long- Pablo Neruda
i'll say this once and i'll never say it again...
there's a kind of certainty that comes but once in a lifetime..."
"i am nothing special; of this i am sure. i am a common man with common thoughts, and i've led a common life. there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me this has always been enough..."
. . . i close my eyes, then i wont see
the love you do not feel when you're holding me
morning will come
i'll do what's right
just give me til then to give up this fight
and i will give up this fight
i cant make you love me if you dont
you cant make your heart feel something it wont
here in the dark these final hours
i will lay down my heart
i'll feel the power but you wont . . .
2. CONCEITED PEOPLE NEVER HEAR ANYTHING BUT PRAISE - The Little Prince
3. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT YOU ARE EMPTY - The Little Prince
4. IT IS ONLY WITH THE HEART THAT ONE CAN SEE , NOT ALL THINGS ARE VISIBLE TO THE EYE. - The Little Prince
"In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel." from Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes
“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked.
“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
-- Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus
Bad stuff happens, Nicky... But you have to move on.. You just pick up your head, look at something nice like the sky or the ocean, and you move the hell on." - James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas
If you want to know me look inside your heart.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Random Notes:
*I finally know my stand. I'm good.
*Missed Blackout. Will go next year. I promise myself.
*Still no ticket for AK concert.
*Uno sa Social Dance test.
*Text galore. Weird state.
*LTS test- Sunday. bad trip.
*TV Prod Live next week. Oh NuR!
*Reverie. Bonding. Miss...mwah!
*New Songs sa iPod. Wuhooo! thanks my juliebug.
*Assignments=tamad
*No revisions yet for scriptwriting.
*Piliting mag-inuman tomorrow. will sleep at betsy's place.
*Shortage of money...as usual.
*Fat!
manunulat
Sabi ng marami na ang pinakamahirap na harapin, lalo na para sa isang manunulat, ay ang blangkong papel. Marami kang naiisip. Maraming kang konsepto. Marami kang gustong sabihin. Eh ano ngayon? Mahirap buuin ang bawat salita upang makabuo ng isang pangungusap na may katuturan. Mahirap ilapat sa papel ang nais mong sabihin na hindi ka magmumukhang bobo.
Hindi ako magaling na manunulat. Sinusubukan ko. Kung minsan ay wala nalang talaga akong masabi kaya pinapaikut-ikot ko nalang lahat ng sinasabi ko. Kung minsan ay paulit-ulit nalang. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit.
Ngayon, wala nalang talaga akong masulat. Kunwari may sense itong sinasabi ko tungkol sa pagiging isang writer. Pero sa totoo, wala itong sense. Kunwari lang talaga. Medyo tamad ako these past few days. Marami akong iiisip. Long overdue na nga itong blog entry na ito. Basta promise ko, this Friday may katuturan na ang susunod kong entry. Humanda kayo. Bwahahahahahaha!
Random Notes:
*Lapit na concert ni Alicia Keys. Wala pa kong ticket.
*TV PROD. Hihimatayin na ko sa pressure. I just want to get it over with.
*Travel Show naman. Presenting…..Asturias. Joke.
*Nanood ng “100” ng Cinemalaya. The best ito. Nanalo si Mylene Dizon ng best actress!
*May new look ang room namin ni Gelo. Nagulat ako bigla niyang inayos. Saya!
*Will wait…as always. No need to hurry. The past week has been the best week of my life. You should never forget that. I’ll miss you.
