Jhong's trying to make sense

Been A While...

2011-12-12T02:52:00.000-08:00

Long time no see. It was a year ago when I last wrote an entry for this blog. I have been thinking of going back here and writing shit again for several months. And now the time has come. What's new? Nothing. Well that's not entirely true. Of course, something happened. I wasn't in a coma for the past year and suddenly woke up at the end of 2011.

Where to start though?

January, I worked in Convergys.
February, I had surgery because of gallstones.
March, I'm jobless. marched for graduation
April, Summer--went nowhere.
May, started working out again.
June, applied for a job in Teleperformance
July, started the call center work...again.
August, birthday--went nowhere
September, still working
October, still working
November, resigned at call center job
December, still living it.

So the significant part of the year consists of my surgery and working at 2 call centers. Both events I don't want to happen again. I'm done with call centers. It fucked up my body clock.

I wouldn't say 2011 was all bad. I got to meet a lot of people--friends. I don't regret the relationships I've made with these people. I will never forget them.

And why am I writing this now? The year ending always gets to me. I feel nostalgic every time. And I really have to brush up my writing skills. I am writing a one-act play so I can submit it by the first quarter of next year for a contest. Keep your fingers crossed. I hope I win this one. I really believe in the story and it has been boiling in my mind for a long time.

I hope to regularly write in this blog. Twitter is already killing me. I want paragraphssss!

The People Person

2010-11-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

I just resigned from my first real job after one week. I can't believe I just quit from something. I always say "I did not quit smoking, I will not quit this". I feel like such a failure. Although I feel that I cannot spend another day in that fucking office.

I was an administrative assistant at Saga Events Inc. aka I was the "utusan" of everyone. I set up meetings, I answer the fucking phone (which I hate doing even at home!), I print documents, I walk around back and forth to everyone and do chores they wouldn't want to do. It was like I was having my OJT again, full-time this time. Although I felt that since it was my first job, I had to start at the bottom of the food chain. I had to struggle. But the thing is, I knew I was smarter that the things I was doing.

That's another problem really. I think so highly of myself that I thought job offers would come piling up once I graduated from college. Well, it didn't. Saga was the first company that offered so I grabbed it right away. Without even a month after graduating, I was working my fucking ass off as the caretaker of every employee who were doing REAL JOBS. I wasn't expecting to be the fucking boss, but I felt that I was capable of doing something more.

I also thought that I was people person, but I am not. I wanted to think that I was tolerant enough of other people's deviant behavior and quirks. The people in the company were social climbers to say the least. Most of them were graduates of UST and I thought right away that I could blend in with my ka-jologsan and shit. It turned out most of them were like Gossip Girl characters come to life. And the fact is, I hate Gossip Girl. There was not an ounce of any Thomasian Value in any of these people. Don't get we wrong though, they were nice and all. I just could not identify with any of them.

I guess Events is not really for me. You have to climb the social ladder to succeed in the industry. And I'm not that kind of person. I want to think that I'm a simple person with simple dreams.

I also realized that it is important for me to get a job where I get along with my co-workers. Even if a job is shitty, the bond you form with your colleagues make you want to get up early in the morning every single day.

I was super depressed with my job the last week that I started eating my feelings. I feel like I gained weight already. It sucks.

The thing that I will take out of this experience is the fact that I have to really think about what I want to do in my life. Weigh every possibility while there is still time. I will let this year pass and hopefully I have made my decision by then.

insert emo title here

2010-04-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

I just lost my worth at exactly 2:26 am.

God, I feel so rejected.

Babalik ka rin.

2010-04-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

Yehey bago na layout ng blog ko! Dapat talaga gagawa ako ng bagong blog sa wordpress kaso naisip ko na balikan ito dahil dito nagsimula ang lahat para sa akin. Hindi ito ang una kong blog. Siguro pang-lima ko na yata ito. Ayoko nang lumipat sa bago, tapos titigil lang din ako ulit.

Ganito nga din kasi ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kahit anong gawin ko sa buhay at kahit saan man ako magpunta, babalik at babalik parin ako sa pagsusulat. Ito ang nagsisilbing outlet ko sa bawat nararamdaman sa kasalakuyan.

Hindi madali para sa akin ang pagsusulat. Madalas ay ipinagliliban ko ito. Magsusurf sa internet, mafefacebook, twitter. Pag dinatnan na ko ng antok, matutulog na at ipapangakong kinabukasan nalang ako magsusulat. Pero sadly, umuulit lang ang ginagawa ko. Hindi na naman ako magsusulat. Sakit ko na yan matagal na.

Ngayon ay maraming nakapilang istorya na dapat isulat. Dalawa para sa Palanca at isa para sa scriptwriting contest ng Film Development Counil of the Philippines (FDCP). Oo, sasali na naman ako! Dati ayokong sinasabi na sasali ako sa kahit anong contest dahil baka lamang ma-jinx ito. At takot ang isipin ng mga tao na umaasa lang ako o kaya nagyayabang na baka manalo. Ngayon ay wala na akong pakialam. Sasalihan ko kung ano man ang gusto ko at bahala na ang Diyos kung ano ang kahihitnatnan ng mga ito.

Tatlong kwento sa aking isipan: dulang may isang yugto at dalawang dulang pampelikula. Wala pa akong nasisimulan kahit isa. Tamo, inuna ko pa ang pagba-blog kaysa doon. April 30 ang deadline para sa Palanca at sa May naman ang FDCP. Dati na akong sumali sa Palanca. Dalawang categories din ang ipinasok ko. Talo pareho!

Ganunpaman, hindi ako nadi-discourage sa pagiging talunan. Para sa akin ay sa mga talong gawa ako natututo. Ang importante ay ang hindi sumuko. Sulat lang ng sulat. Sali lang ng sali. Malay mo makatsamba.

Kapag tinatanong ako kung masarap ba ang magsulat, lagi kong sagot ay hindi. Masarap ang NAKAPAGSULAT NA. Napakamadugo ng proseso ng pagsusulat. Kung minsan ay para bang nababaliw na ako. Nagiging autistic. Kadalasan masungit. Parang nireregla. Hindi mo ako makakausap ng matino kapag nagsusulat dahil ang atensyon ko ay nasa mga karakter na aking binubuo at storyline na pilit kong itinatahi hanggang sa ending.

Ang masarap nga ay ang nakapagsulat na. Kapag tapos na ang kwento at handa nang ipabasa sa mundo. Para akong nag-labor ng ilang buwan at ang tunog ng printer ang nagsisilbing pag-iri habang lumalabas ang final draft na itinuturing kong aking baby.

Hindi ko alam kung ito na talaga ang aking magiging hanapbuhay. Hindi ko din alam kung magiging successful ako sa aking tinatahak na landas. At lalong hindi ko alam kung ilang contest pa ang aking sasalihan, manalo man o matalo. Ang sigurado ay habambuhay akong magsusulat. Malamang ay titigil ako pansamantala, buwan o taon man. Pero alam ko na babalikan ko ito. Magsusulat akong muli. Ito lang ang alam kong gawin. Dito ako masaya. Dito ko nahahanap ang sarili ko.

PART 4: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Sarah Jessica Parker

2009-12-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

Blogged on My Multiply dated December 25, 2009

I.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. 2009 has been good to me. Sometimes I wonder why God is giving me so much--more that what I really need. I am so blessed with my family, friends and career (in the process). I don't know what I did to even deserve all of these, and I am a bit afraid that in the future, God would ask something in return that I might not want to give. Whatever the reason for the endless blessings, I am forever grateful.

I may have had trials here and there this year, but they weren't things I couldn't handle. I finally learned to believe in myself which I actually found very hard to do before. I have a great support system that fuels my self-esteem. And I finally learned that by faking confidence, you gain confidence. I'm not sure if you get that but that's what it is. Maybe The Secret really works.

I always tell people that I'm not a religious person, and it's still true to this day. I still hate hearing mass and observing holy days of obligation. But given this fact, I believe in God. I may not pray much but I know that He is there guiding me through the right path. I am a worldly person and I easily give in to temptation. I can be easily influenced by people in doing things I shouldn't do. I turn to Him and ask for wisdom to do what is right and what is good.

I want to be good.

2009 is also the start of my dreams coming true. I won in a writing competition last September and that victory gave me a reason to believe again in what I can do. I was always afraid of what I'll become once I graduate. A bum? A call center agent? (not that there is something wrong with that) A corporate employee? A banker, perhaps? After that win, my wanting to be a writer woke up again. And I think that's a good thing, to have THAT dream again of becoming something, a someone. We should never give up on our dreams. Never think that it's too late. A lot of people even fulfill their dreams at the later part of their lives. You are not too old or young to do the things you want. A dream is worth living for.

II.

My clock says three o'clock. It is Christmas morning. I just finished watching The Family Stone. I decided to make it a tradition to watch the film during this season. It is my favorite Christmas movie. The most intense scene (and my favorite) was the dinner sequence when Sarah Jessica Parker's character said that no parent wishes to have a gay child, which offended everyone at the dinner table since one of their brothers was gay. Diane Keaton's character, the mother, told his son that she loved him no matter what any other assholes say. The way she acted it, through sign language (the gay son was deaf), was really touching. I couldn't help but get teary-eyed everytime.

III.

I'm not sure if this will be the last entry of my series. I might write another one before the year ends. But if I don't, I'd like to take this chance to thank all the people who made an impact in my life this year. I learned a lot from all of you and I am glad that you were a part of the reason why I am ending 2009 with the biggest smile on my face. Let us all be merry on this wonderful season, reflect on the year we just had, and learn from the mistakes we foolishly committed along the way. I wish nothing but the best for all of you, and may 2010 bring us more unforgettable moments we would also cherish through the years. God Bless and Merry Christmas!

IV.

To my grandparents, Jeremias Roman Sr. and Francisca Sarmiento Roman.

I will never forget.

PART 3: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Dimples Romana

2009-12-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

Blogged on My Multiply dated December 22, 2009

I value my friends. So much sometimes that I tend to become really possessive of them. You'd surely see an eyebrow raise if you tell me that you're going out with some other friend instead of me. Since I'm not in a romantic relationship, my friends are the ones who help me reach orgasm. No, not that kind--a different high. They are the people I look forward to seeing everyday in school. Of course I don't go there to learn. Who does anyway? Ha!

I have two sets of friends today in college. My block friends and my dorm friends. They are two different group of people that I know would somehow clash if placed in a room together. Something I discovered about myself this year is that I can adapt into any kind of human behavior. I realized that I am good with people. I used to think that I was an introvert. But looking at most of my pictures in Facebook I saw that I was always with another person/s, no solo shots except for profile pics which were actually cropped from group pics. So go figure.

I love both sets of friends. I feel comfortable around them and I am always assured that they would not turn their backs on me even if I do foolish things. When I was in elementary, my cousin would always tease me that my only friend was the librarian in school. It was true, I guess. Nerdy me way back when would seclude himself from his classmates and read books at the far corner of the library. I'm not sure how I progressed socially but I'm very glad I got over that stage. I still bury myself in books, though.

I love being a friend to somebody. I can finally relate to every character Dimples Romana has played in her entire career--always the bestfriend, never the bida. She's like Nikki Valdez to Claudine Barretto or Dominic Ochoa to Rico Yan. But Dimples, she never chose her co-actors. She can play the bestfriend of anybody, the supportive confidante of the miserable protagonist. It is very unfortunate because she's a really good actress.

I just added that paragraph to justify my title. Sorry. Anyway, this year I lost a friend. No, the friend didn't die. The relationship did. I can safely say that now because I cannot imagine what it would be like if we were friends again. "The friend" was someone I considered my bestfriend. We were always together in school and people always asked me why the other was not around and vise-versa. And yet somehow, friendships are not perfect. There are troubles that come your way and you hope that you will resolve everything when the time comes. The problem with this relationship is that the time never came. Yes, we still talk. But not like we used to anymore. You can say that we're civil--occasional hi's and hello's.

I easily trust people. I hate that about myself. I never doubt a person's kindness, even at first meeting. I always see the good in people (or maybe i just blind myself from seeing the ugly) and I believe that no person is pure evil. Um, maybe Ampatuan. But then, once you break that trust, you will never get it back. That's for sure. In my mind, you will always be that person who did me wrong. Yes we can still talk but we will never be like we used to.

Thus, there are only a few people I really consider my friends. Others are mere acquaintances. People fail me most of the time and they never live up to what I consider a friend. As I've written in the previous entry, I set a high standard for myself...and for other people.

I am a good friend, only if you are. It's always a two-way relationship.

Tell me, who wants a friend who talks endlessly and yet never listens to any of your shit? I say, fuck you self-absorbed bitch!

PART 2: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Edward Cullen

2009-12-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

Blogged on My Multiply dated December 20, 2009

In the still of the night
I held you so tight
Oh I love you so
Promise I’ll never let you go
In the still of the night

-“In The Still Of The Night” by the Akafellas

2009 made new bad habits for me to break. One that would be on top of this list is my insomnia which resulted to more bad habits like being late in class, waking up in the afternoon, surfing the net too long and others.

I probably should’ve chosen the song Insomnia for my intro but that would’ve been too easy. I love the song I chose and even if the Akafellas didn’t originally sung it, I still like their version better. The lyrics and the song itself match how I feel about my nocturnal moments. There is something about the stillness of the night that appeals to me. I enjoy the silence and darkness that wrap around my soul everytime it comes. I take comfort in the fact that I am the lone man standing in the family who is awake and that there are no eyes watching my every move. I make mistakes and no one bothers because they’re someplace else, consciousness not on their side.

I know how it all started. When my dad left for work (he’s a seaman) and my older sister migrated to Canada, I finally had the chance to get my own room, complete with everything I needed: bed, AC, a desktop computer and an internet connection. It was my version of heaven. I’d smoke in the room and no one would even know. The exhaust fan sucked in every smoke I exhaled, fresh air came in, and I’d smoke even more. It became a routine. I’d surf the net for hours and no one would blame me for costly electric bills. It was my version of heaven which was ironic because of the darkness.

I cannot diagnose myself as insomniac since I’m no doctor. But symptoms of it are proof that I am one. During the day, I always find myself dozing off in every place I go to. It seems like my eyes are somewhat allergic to daylight, they just shut on their own. I get naps in every way I can. I even mastered the art of sleeping in a sitting position. I just bow my head really low and I’m off to dreamland. And when night comes and I am at home and the opportunity to sleep the best sleep I can get is right in my face, I stay awake. It’s the weirdest thing. The night makes my eyes open in wonder and I feel that my whole day just started. I’m no Edward but I feel like a vampire hunting for blood. I thirst for something to do and I always end up in my room. I turn on the computer, light up a smoke, and I am high once again on Insomnia Marijuana.

I know how to stop this bad habit. I just have to reset my body clock and voila, I’m “normal” again. But the thing is, I don’t want to. I’m okay with it even if certain aspects of my life get affected.

The night brings me comfort and security. I feel safe in darkness. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I’m invisible.

PART 1: My 2009 Year In Review--Of Life, Love and Julia Roberts

2009-12-19T07:15:00.000-08:00

Blogged on My Multiply dated December 19, 2009.

[I will not write for an audience this time. These words are for me and I shouldn’t care if this doesn’t get any views or comments. This is all about me and I don’t expect anyone to read nonsensical shit that happened in my life and it’s 2:45 am and I hope this gets buried among other updates if anyone still uses this shitty website. I am doing my best not to break my thoughts into sentences although I must say that if you DO read this, I ask you not to spill any names of persons I pertain in this post. Keep your mouth and vagina shut and this is just too long for you to read you self-absorbed bitch—with a smile.]

I learned a lot these past (almost) twelve months. I was in a relationship when the year started. I was happy because I knew that was what I wanted. When I was a bit younger not too long ago, I fantasized what it was like to have someone, to have my own someone. I made different scenarios in my head involving flowers, movies, countless dates and public proposals which I all hoped would happen to me. It was my very own Julia Roberts movie playing in my head.

I was in a hurry to have my someone that every person I met was a prospect. I would look at a certain guy and wonder if he was also looking my way, if he smiled, if he found me cute, if he loved me. In a snap, I had this stranger’s head cut out and pasted in a headless cardboard of a man in suit, holding flowers he’d give me at the end of our date. Every night, the cut out would change depending on the face of a guy I just met. I imagined him going to the classroom unexpectedly just to give me chocolates or announce to everyone that he loved me. It was the attention whore in me that sewed these delusions in my brain. I was writing my own fairytale. I couldn’t wait to meet that someone that I jumped into a relationship without the first thing that should’ve been there when it started. Love. Yes, I was affectionate to this person. I sent text messages everyday. I gave gifts during important events such as his birthday, Christmas and monthsaries. I did everything I was supposed to do not because I loved him but it was expected of me.

He was a great guy. He was smart, cute and funny. My friends said that I was luckier to have him than he was to me. He was the sweetest person in the world which made it even harder to break everything off. It was the superficial me that wanted to end things. I couldn’t say to anyone, not even to my friends that the real reason I left him was because I felt that I could do better. I didn’t want to settle for anything less and I could certainly find someone really good looking who would love me just as much. It’s harsh I know. You can say that THAT is not love but mere infatuation and physical attraction. So let me give the scenario that he loves me for who I am and that I love him for who he is. Let us not be hypocrites here. Clearing the love issue, who would you go for: the cute one or the hot one? No competition here mister.

It is never wrong to set your standards high. It only means that you value yourself more than others do. I still fantasize about my Julia-esque movie and I still long for that handsome Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, carriages and all. I admit I think highly of myself that people sometimes mistake it for arrogance. Hmm…maybe it is arrogance. I don’t know and I’m not sure. Whatever it may be, I am not ashamed to say that I want someone very good looking with a hot body to boot. I wouldn’t care people staring at us, whispering “Mismatch!” I got rid of my insecurities to even bother caring what those jealous bitches think.

So how’s single life treating me? It’s the best! When I got out of the relationship, I started enjoying my single blessedness more. I love all the other terms people call it: alone, solo, stag, etcetera. But my favorite is Individual. I am an individual. It sounds strong and very Joan of Arc. It feels like I can do anything and no one can ever stop me. It feels alive. It feels “here”.

Now that I’ve experienced being in a relationship, I’m in no hurry to be in another one. My close friends keep asking me if I have someone new and I keep telling them the same answer, I’m not even looking. They never believe me but it’s the truth. I’m still young and I enjoy what I have right now. I get to focus building relationships with new friends and strengthening bonds with old ones. I am good at only having friends and the love they show me is sufficient enough that I don’t go looking for it from anyone else. I also realized that I am a better friend than a boyfriend. I more affectionate with them and I care more about them. I just came home from my barkada’s Christmas Party at MoA. I have never enjoyed myself more. They are my Julia Roberts movie.

I am ending the year with a bang. Hinde, wala akong putok.

*This post is the first part of my 2009 Year In Review. I started with Love because that is the only topic everyone is interested in. I blame keso romantic comedies for it.

By the way, I take everything I wrote in my intro back. I want comments. I need comments. Attention whore, remember? And if you still use Multiply, that is. Facebook is dominating the world. I’m going back to Friendster. Ha!

the end

2008-12-22T00:08:00.000-08:00

endings are always sad.

but i'm putting a period on this one with a smile.

i'm happy...finally.

this is jhong, signing out.

redemption

2008-09-26T02:22:00.000-07:00

you might have noticed that i haven't written a decent blog entry for several weeks now.

it's the laziness in me.

or maybe it's just that i have found other fun and interesting things to do other than blogging.

lapit na sembreak. i promise to redeem myself by then.

Random Notes:

*no decent sleep. puro bar. kakasawa din pala.
*uno sa social dance. wuhooooo! thanks to my career mode pe mates.
*catv awards this week. as if i care.
*will go swimming with the bitches. ehehehe!
*hamster. mamatay na!

i'm a beach...or NOT

2008-09-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

betsy, kat and i were talking about what we're going to do this sembreak and i realized that i haven't really been at the beach. that's a life goal. gulat na gulat si bets kasi ako lang daw ang kaisa-isang tao na alam niya hindi pa nakakapag-beach.

there's really no exact reason why i haven't experieced beaches. my sisters have had in the past with their friends. with the whole family? never been. i guess it's just that we don't really go out that much. we don't make time for it. usually, mall lang kame talaga. haaay. weird stuffs.

anyway, un lang. the year won't end without me going to thew beach! sana matuloy. or else.....

HARAKIRI!

chos.

Random Notes:

*First time at gov with gelo and kat. graaaaabbbbeee! un na.
*will go to BED next. tsk. Libre, sir galan!
*will watch sisterhood of traveling pants on wednesday. sama kayo.
*social dance madness. last meeting na sa saturday. yeah!
*lapit na sembreak. sa wakas.
*will not wait anymore. i'm happy.

ay nalaglag!

2008-09-12T01:20:00.000-07:00

last week, nalaman ko na nagpalaglag ng anak yung kasambahay namin. sobrang nakakagulat. the day before she said it to us was the day she had her baby aborted. natulala ako for at least five minutes. hindi ko alam kung paaano magre-react. parang sumakit yung puso ko. masyado akong affected since kakapanganak nga lang ni ate so i really value life right now and how miraculous bearing a baby could be.

grabe talaga! rawr! tigre? chos.

Random Noes:

*I'm obviously too lazy to write a normal entry.
*Bought seven dvds. lahat series! ghost whisperer, medium, weeds, samantha who, pushing daisies, 30 rock and eli stone. still have to finish boston legal and chuck. wuhooo!
*Still reading "A Million Little Pieces". kailangan ko na matapos ito. i have to move on. ahahah!
*i'm feeding my soul with beauty and art. hmmm...
*will quit smoking. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

wala

2008-09-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

wala akong masulat.

sobrang wala.

alam mo yung wala?

ako yun.

wala akong naiisip.

puro wala.

andami nang wala.

pero minsan kapag sobra na ang wala.

unti-unting nawawala ang wala.

gets mo?

ako rin hinde. nakakatawa.

wala. nawawala.

nawawala.

nawawal.

nawawa.

nawaw.

nawa.

naw.

na.

n.

.

Random Notes:

*We qualified for the catv awards! galing ng hiphiphuriy productions.
*binyag na si king!
*watched "twenty questions" sa university of makati. even went backstage and met the cast. sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

ricardo joaquin

2008-08-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

yep, he's my newborn nephew!!!

Ricardo Joaquin V. Ayson was born on August 24, 2008. Just a day after my birthday. Go Virgo babies!

Haay, ang sarap ng feeling. Pangalawang pamangkin ko na ito. Ang cute talaga ng mga babies. Gusto ko narin. Wala nga lang akong matris. Takte!

He's so chinito. Grabe! May dimples pa si gago. Loves it.

Random Notes:

*Directing children's show. Pressssuuuureee!
*Eyebags galore.
*Pumapayat na ko. I'm loving stress.
*Sleep-deprived. Kasalanan 'to ng mga dormates ko. hehe!
*Qualified for CaTV awards. Go Nikka!
*Saw my cousin crush. Tsk. bad.
*Need new songs for my iPod.

nineteen

2008-08-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Nineteen starts tomorrow. I don’t know how I feel exactly. I guess I’m happy that I’ll be a year older. I have nothing against it unlike other people who complain about getting older. It actually gives me a great feeling. Confidence, I guess. I feel wiser. I feel more mature. I feel experienced. I feel that I can overcome any problems. Shoot.

Whenever my birthday comes, I have this unconscious habit of reflecting what my life has become. Have I learned anything? Have I really been wiser? More mature? Experienced? It’s hard to answer life questions. It’s even more painstakingly difficult to analyze who you are and what you have become. Only the people around you can make you realize that. I know one thing though and that is I know more.

I am babbling, sorry. Words escape me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am scared of what nineteen is going to give me, what experiences I would have at this age and what lessons I would learn along the way. And yet I can’t also wait for nineteen, to give me the excitement I’ve been longing forever, the friendships that would grow even more, and the love that has long been waiting for me at the end of this road.

Ah, to be a teenager! The last chapter in this part of my life.

Here’s to nineteen!

*Will watch Lea Salonga’s Cinderella tomorrow. With Ate Lecky. CCP.
*Will celebrate my birthday on Sunday.
*Papa’s home. He bought me a pair of shades with a built-in mp3 player. Cool subra!
*Chocolates overload. Eeeek! Never had a sweet tooth.
*Currently reading “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. Addicted! Pun intended for those who know the book.
*Current LSS: Old School Alanis Morissette. “Head Over Feet” is really is it! Ahaha!
*The week of No Classes. Boredom. I’d rather go to class. Weird me.
*Didn’t smoke from Sunday to Wednesday. Nakakagigil!
*New casing for my phone. Yey! 411: I had my phone since I was in 4th year High School. Antique na ‘to sakin. Attached na ko. Hehe!
*With Shandy last Wednesday. Saya!

plastic

2008-08-15T03:23:00.000-07:00

Photo Taken By: Kristine Talusan
Courtesy of: Adrian Pacific Ong
Models: Adrian Pacific Ong and Frances Ogilvie

I’ve been plastic all my life. I’m not a bad person. I’m not mean. I’m just plain plastic. It’s necessary. If I weren’t plastic I probably would’ve been dead right now because my enemies had already killed me.

You can’t please everybody and people can’t always please you. In life, you encounter people that you just don’t get. You meet people and mingle and yet there’s something about them that you don’t like. What do you do? Be plastic.

You don’t snob them. That’ll just make things worse. You go about living your normal life without getting affected by these people you don’t like. You try to avoid being in their company just so you don’t have to be nice and all. But then eventually, these people would notice that you’re avoiding them and more so you don’t like them. How did they know? You backstabbed them. You told your friends that you hate this certain person. Word gets out and before you know it, everyone knows that you don’t like this certain person. And then, this certain person gives you the “if-you-have-to-say-something-bad-about-me-say-it-to-my-face” speech.

How do you respond to a confrontation like that? I probably would say the same thing that the great comedienne Kathy Griffin once did: “I don’t want to say anything to your face. Where’s the fun in that? I would actually wait after you leave then I’ll talk shit about you with my friends. In that sense, I get to be funnier making fun of you. Plus, there’s no conflict at all.”

I admit that it is wrong to be plastic but sometimes you have no choice but to be one. You want to avoid arguments so you act nice to those people that you don’t really like. It’s actually human nature. We usually hide what we truly feel.

Right now I am plastic to a certain group in my block. They understand each other and I really don’t get them. Whenever I see these people, I usually roll my eyes…in my mind. But when I’m around them I act like most angelic person there is, like I’m one of them.

It’s fun to be plastic. It’s thrilling. It makes living worthwhile. Ha!

Random Notes:

*Don’t ask me about the people I am being plastic to. I will never tell. Ask Pen. Haha!
*It’s my sister’s birthday!
*Prelims week is finally over.
*I was the lowest in the last SocioComm Test. I got 10/50. If I were in High School I probably would have cried about it for days.. But now, I don’t mind at all. I see the clearer picture. I’m aware. I didn’t study so I got a low grade, though I never expected to be the lowest. Haha! Will make bawi next time. Kaya ko ‘to!
*Pimple breakout.
*My birthday’s coming. Will be just another day. Here’s to 19!

confidence

2008-08-08T02:47:00.000-07:00

Fake it ‘til you make it

--Pen

Pen was talking about confidence. I haven’t always been confident with the way I look. I used to be overweight and this is what caused my recurring low self-esteem. It’s something that I worked really hard to improve on. I started to work out. I did all kinds of diet and a lot of eating disorders came about. I was okay with it since I shed some wait over the past four years. I haven’t reached my desired weight and lately it has been a yo-yo ride for me looking in the mirror. Sometimes I like what I see but most of the time I don’t. I always ask my friends if I look okay or if the shirt I’m wearing doesn’t make me look fat. It’s already a bad habit.

This entry is not about my weight. What I really want to say is…

How come I had to do all these improvements in myself when there are people who would not even do a thing but still look great?!?!

There are people in this world who are naturally beautiful. I hate to say this but I envy these people. Impokrita na ang magsabi na kuntento na sila sa itsura nila kahit na ang chaka-chaka nila!

The tag line of “Nip/Tuck” comes to mind, “When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead.”

These beautiful people wake up in the morning with their untidy hair and morning glories and can still be in a television commercial as the after shot. Why did God make all these creatures? It still is a mystery to me.

But then again, there are people who are not good looking but still exude that appeal. There is always something that attracts you to them. There’s that instant eye movement magnet that makes you stop and stare. Pen says it is confidence. I guess it’s true. Celine, our lovely dorm mate is not drop-dead gorgeous. She’s okay. But she always exudes this confidence that makes her appealing to men. I guess it’s the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she runs her fingers through her hair, the way she moves her eyes, the way she bites her lips. It’s really interesting…weirdly enough.

Pen advised me to do the same thing. Have that confidence.

But how?!? Fake it ‘til you make it. Act as if you’re confident even if you’re not. Walk as if you feel like everyone’s looking at your beautiful face. Talk as if what you have to say matters.

I will definitely try this one. Will exude appeal eventually. Haha!

But my dear readers, let’s not forget that beauty fades. The important thing is that you’re a good person…………….NOT.

*_____________________________*

I went to Alicia Keys’ concert last Tuesday and as what I expected, it was fun, fun fun! She was almost two hours late but it was well worth it. She gave great performances. I enjoyed “No One” the most. Galeng! “If I Ain’t Got You” was her finale. Goosebumps!

Outside the venue:

Inside (with my sister):

With the friends we met there:

Find the hidden alicia keys:

O eto nalang:

Random Notes:

*It's 08-08-08! End of the world. Chos!
*Went to Cavite for Travel Show. Cameraman me! Suuubrang kapagod.
*Despedida party on Sunday for my sister. She’s going to Canada…for good. Haay!
*I now have a portable dvd player. Saya!
*Of course, I bought new dvds. Mostly horror. Bwahahaahh!
*Watched ‘My Sassy Girl’. Nice nice! Sobrang enjoy. Hmmm…

hate entry

2008-08-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

this is a hate entry to someone in particular. someone older. someone preganant. someone who should start taking stresstabs. ang laki ng eyebags mo!

grrrr! inis na inis ako sa kanya kahapon. i've been ranting about the pressure of our tv prod for the past few weeks. the time to shoot came yesterday. i was not really nervous since i knew we had something good. i knew that at least we were ready and that what we had was something commendable and very entertaining. i was so confident.

during the shoot itself, i was in my element. we had the right ad libs, the right jokes, the right questions to our guests. it was really a smooth flow. i felt that we would get a grade that was deserving of what we had. a high grade. more than what we wanted.

but i guess, i expected too much.

or maybe THAT professor was just out of her mind.

DEFINITELY the latter.

Pen and I were the host and lo and behold, we had the lowest grade out of all the members. 86.

I wasn't expecting the highest grade out of all the members...but to be the lowest?!?

SHIT!

Hindi narin kami qualified for the CATV awards. Parang gago!

Not to be arrogant, but PEN and I carried the show. What irritated me the most was that the professor kept laughing on our jokes. I could even hear her laugh all the way from the booth...and yet she gave us the lowest grade. WALA SIYANG KARAPATANG TUMAWA KUNG BIBIGYAN LANG NIYA KAMI NG MABABANG GRADE. WALA SIYANG KARAPATANG MAG-ENJOY!

Even our blockmates thought that our show was good. What's her fucking problem?!?

Nakakaburat talaga. Inis na inis ako kahapon at pagod na pagod kaya hindi na ko pumasok ng Spanish Class. Natulog lang ako buong magdamag! Haaaay, ayoko na makita pagmumukha niya. Anong gagawin ko?!?

BLINDFOLD!

Random Notes:

*It's August! 22 days to go before my bday.
*I already have my Alicia tickets!
*Fat still.
*Drunk last Wendnesday. this is becoming a habit. haaay!
*Will be interviewed for Dartz' talks show.
*MoA last tuesday. New shirt! YEY!
*Will remain single until further notice.

quotable quotes

2008-07-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

haay, wala na naman itong kwenta. compilation lang ito ng mga quotes, sayings, lyrics, whatever na nabasa ko sa kung saan saan.

Love : my job is the most important job of all, since the world cant live without me..

Friendship: my job is important too you know, without friendship there will be hatred among people

Friendship: but sadly.. sometimes... i end up doing your job..

just when when i was about to say i need you
just when i was about to say please stay
just when i was about to pull the biggest catch of my life
is the day you run away
-Spelling Contest

No one watches you walking away without wanting to be with you.

love means never having to say your sorry"

If you couldn't be with the person that you love, I guarantee that hearing him promise you, love you, honor you and cherish you, no matter what, would be pretty much all you could think about." – Izzie, Grey’s Anatomy

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you all I am is the invisible man

thought to pick
the flower of forgetting
for myself,
but I found it
already growing in his heart.
- Ono no Komachi

I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows im crying...

Until God sends me my angel on earth to love and to cherish forever, I will be content to be alone. I have learned to swallow my loneliness like a bitter pill, hoping that my good behavior will make fate smile at me and say, "Here is the one for you. Live happily ever after, your name is written on his heart."

"I choose to love you in silence for in silence I receive no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness for in loneliness, no one owns you but I. I choose to adore you from a distance for distance will shield us from pain. I choose to kiss you in the wind for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you in my dreams for in my dreams, you have no end."

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.

"I can't unlove you anymore."

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything its cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everthing for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. "
Erica Jong

"Take this razor and write your name across my wrist, so everyone will know who left me like this"

"some men see things as they are, and say why. i dream things that never were, and ask why not"

"i love you without knowing how, when or from where. i love you simply without problems or pride. i love you this way for i dont know any other way of loving you."

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how i loved her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long- Pablo Neruda

i'll say this once and i'll never say it again...
there's a kind of certainty that comes but once in a lifetime..."

"i am nothing special; of this i am sure. i am a common man with common thoughts, and i've led a common life. there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me this has always been enough..."

. . . i close my eyes, then i wont see
the love you do not feel when you're holding me
morning will come
i'll do what's right
just give me til then to give up this fight
and i will give up this fight

i cant make you love me if you dont
you cant make your heart feel something it wont
here in the dark these final hours
i will lay down my heart
i'll feel the power but you wont . . .

2. CONCEITED PEOPLE NEVER HEAR ANYTHING BUT PRAISE - The Little Prince

3. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT YOU ARE EMPTY - The Little Prince

4. IT IS ONLY WITH THE HEART THAT ONE CAN SEE , NOT ALL THINGS ARE VISIBLE TO THE EYE. - The Little Prince

"In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel." from Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked.
“You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

-- Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus

Bad stuff happens, Nicky... But you have to move on.. You just pick up your head, look at something nice like the sky or the ocean, and you move the hell on." - James Patterson, Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

If you want to know me look inside your heart.

When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.

Random Notes:

*I finally know my stand. I'm good.
*Missed Blackout. Will go next year. I promise myself.
*Still no ticket for AK concert.
*Uno sa Social Dance test.
*Text galore. Weird state.
*LTS test- Sunday. bad trip.
*TV Prod Live next week. Oh NuR!
*Reverie. Bonding. Miss...mwah!
*New Songs sa iPod. Wuhooo! thanks my juliebug.
*Assignments=tamad
*No revisions yet for scriptwriting.
*Piliting mag-inuman tomorrow. will sleep at betsy's place.
*Shortage of money...as usual.
*Fat!

manunulat

2008-07-18T18:24:00.001-07:00

Sabi ng marami na ang pinakamahirap na harapin, lalo na para sa isang manunulat, ay ang blangkong papel. Marami kang naiisip. Maraming kang konsepto. Marami kang gustong sabihin. Eh ano ngayon? Mahirap buuin ang bawat salita upang makabuo ng isang pangungusap na may katuturan. Mahirap ilapat sa papel ang nais mong sabihin na hindi ka magmumukhang bobo.

Hindi ako magaling na manunulat. Sinusubukan ko. Kung minsan ay wala nalang talaga akong masabi kaya pinapaikut-ikot ko nalang lahat ng sinasabi ko. Kung minsan ay paulit-ulit nalang. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit.

Ngayon, wala nalang talaga akong masulat. Kunwari may sense itong sinasabi ko tungkol sa pagiging isang writer. Pero sa totoo, wala itong sense. Kunwari lang talaga. Medyo tamad ako these past few days. Marami akong iiisip. Long overdue na nga itong blog entry na ito. Basta promise ko, this Friday may katuturan na ang susunod kong entry. Humanda kayo. Bwahahahahahaha!

Random Notes:

*Lapit na concert ni Alicia Keys. Wala pa kong ticket.
*TV PROD. Hihimatayin na ko sa pressure. I just want to get it over with.
*Travel Show naman. Presenting…..Asturias. Joke.
*Nanood ng “100” ng Cinemalaya. The best ito. Nanalo si Mylene Dizon ng best actress!
*May new look ang room namin ni Gelo. Nagulat ako bigla niyang inayos. Saya!
*Will wait…as always. No need to hurry. The past week has been the best week of my life. You should never forget that. I’ll miss you.

my now-lifestyle

2008-07-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

ang hirap na talaga magtipid ngayon lalo na na naka-dorm na ko. napagalitan pa ko ng nanay ko dahil umuwi lang ako ng bahay para kumuha ng pera.

Mama: Bat ka nagigipit eh sobra sobra na nga ung binibigay ko sayo?!?!?!
Ako: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Hindi ko talaga ma-explain kung bakit ang gastos ko eh puro pagkain lang naman ang pinanggagamitan ko nun. Pinlano ko pa ang magdala ng sardinas para makatipid. But the truth is...Sardinas is like eeeewwwieeee. Pangmahirap! (ito ay joke lamang. sana walang ma-offend.)

Hindi na nga ako nakakapag-starbs eh. It's like my daily routine pa naman. It's so upsetting! I'm so like so choosy pa naman when it comes to my coffee.

I really hate this kind of lifestyle. There's no aircon. It's so enet! Whenever I put OLAY on my face, it just moists all over. grrrr! sayang lang my pera. I have to take care of my skin pa naman.

UPSET AKO. UPSEEEETTT! chos.

Random Notes:

*Waaah! Pinsan ng blockmate ko si Social Dance cutie. Oh NO! pero i can't wait for tomorrow. Sobrang stalker mode ako sa multiply and friendster account niya.
*Wednesday is Betsy's day.
*Salvador sucks. He sucks me. Joke.
*Pierce is an issue. Rawr!
*We FOX as one.
*Download Mariah's new single "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time". Super fun song!

luha

2008-07-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Hindi ako iyakin. Kung bibilangin ko kung ilang beses ako umiiyak sa isang taon, siguro mga dalawa lang. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ganito. Hindi ako manhid. Hindi ako robot na walang kahit anumang emosyon. Siguro hindi ko lang hinahayaang tabunan ako ng aking kalungkutan. Hindi ko ipinaparamdam sa sarili ko na kailangan nang ilabas ang bawat sakit, galit at pighati.

Masiyahin akong tao. Kapag kasama ko ang aking mga kaibigan, masaya ako. Palabiro. Hindi mo mababakas sa aking mukha ang kalungkutan, kakulangan.

Ngayong ako’y may sarili nang tinitirahan sa may paaralan, madalas ay napag-iisa ako. Sa mga tahimik na sandali lalo na’t kapag kalaliman na ng gabi, ako’y nagiging isang lobo. Joke. Mali, sorry. Uulitin ko.

Ngayong ako’y may sarili nang tinitirahan sa may paaralan, madalas ay napag-iisa ako. Sa mga tahimik na sandali lalo na’t kapag kalaliman na ng gabi ay natatagpuan ko ang sarili na nag-iisip. Maraming bumabagabag sa aking isipan. Marami akong frustrations sa buhay. Ang bata-bata ko pa at pakiramdam ko’y pasan ko na ang mundo.

Sa aking paghiga sa kama, hindi ko namalayang may tumutulo na palang luha sa aking kaliwang pisngi. Hindi ko ito inasahan. Pinunasan ko ito gamit ang aking mga palad. Ngunit natuyo man ang unang luha ay paulit-ulit itong napalitan ng panibago.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iyak. Humagulgol ako. Sinubukang pigilan ang bawat hikbi gamit ang malabot na unan sa tabi. Ang bawat luhang tumulo ay isang piraso ng aking pagkatao.

Unang luha: Pagbabago sa Pamilya
Ikalawang luha: Mga luma at panibagong mga Kaibigan
Ikatlong luha: Aberya sa Pag-aaral
Ikaapat na luha: Patuloy na paghahanap ng Pag-ibig
Ikalimang luha: Ang walang katiyakang Hinaharap.

Iniyakan ko ang lahat. Kahit ang mga hindi mahahalagang bagay ay isinama ko na sa aking pag-iyak. Tutal, one time big time lang naman ‘to diba? Once in a blue moon lang nangyayari.

Hindi ako iyakin ngunit sa pagkakataong iyon ay hinayaan kong tabunan ako ng kalungkutan. Ipinaramdam ko sa sarili na kailangan nang ilabas ang bawat sakit, galit at pighati.

Aaminin ko, masarap ang pakiramdam matapos umiyak. Para bang nakahinga ako ng napakaluwag. Parang ang dati-rati’y pasan kong mundo ay unti-unting lumutang mula sa aking mga balikat.

Tumayo ako mula sa aking pagkakahiga. Pumunta ako sa may salamin. Tiningnan ko ang sarili. Oily. Pero ayos lang. Masaya ako na nalabas ko na ang lahat. Ngumiti ako at tumawa. Tinawan ko ang aking pag-iyak. Nababawan ako. Lumakas pa lalo ang tawa ko. Humahalaklak na. Parang baliw lang.

Pumunta ako ng banyo at naghilamos. Ang sarap ng malamig na tubig. Nagkuskos ng bonggang-bongga. Nagsipilyo ng ngipin.

Bumalik ako ng kwarto, nagpunas, nagbihis.

Napadaan ako muli sa may salamin. Tiningnan ang sarili sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Hindi ako umiyak. Hindi ako tumawa. Naglagay lang ako ng Olay facial cream which fights the seven signs of skin aging.

Random Notes:

*fiNALLY, a long entry. Hindi na ko tinamad!
*Monday, bangag kagad. Inuman with Behavioral Science friends.
*Buong one week sa dorm. I miss family. hihi!
*Sleepover at Betsy's place.
*NSTP on Sunday. Grrrr!
*Shortage of Money. As in.
*RIce binging. Taba!
*Social Dance distraction. Habang sumasayaw ako ay biglang may nag-shirtless na classmate. Na-distract ako at nawala sa sayaw. tsk. napagalitan pa ko. Kasi naman eh... KUNG GUSTO NYO AKO MAKAPAG-CONCENTRATE, WAG KAYO MAGHUHUBAD SA HARAP KO LALO NA KUNG MAY BULGING BICEPS AT ROCK HARD ABS KAYO!
*Gateway with the "pekpeks". Hindi bastos name nyo ah!
*TV Prod exhaustion.

action

2008-06-27T04:49:00.000-07:00

i haven't been out for a while.

i was always so shy.

i was not confident.

i felt that i didn't deserve what I wanted.

but my guide tells me to do something.

to not slack off.

if i want to achieve that one goal,

i should take some action.

wala nang hiya-hiya.

Random Notes:

*Shortage of Money
*COmp Shop. Loser na ko!
*Social Dance cutie.
*Di pa kami nagpapansinan ng baby ko. Isusulot ko na siya. bwahahahah!
*May stitches si Panpan sa ulo. Nahulog kasi sa bike. Wawa naman.
*My block's getting better. Medyo masaya na. Yey!

shut

2008-06-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

talking is my defense mechanism.

it's my big mouth that always gets me in trouble.

i just can't seem to keept it shut.

in the end, it's me who always feels uncomfortable.

the awkwardness never stops.

i try to be friendly.

i try to be the first one to approach, make the first move.

i don't know what other people think of me.

i can't say that i don't care because i really do.

i hate it.

i feel uneasy when i learn that someone doesn't like me.

i should stop.

right now.

at this very moment.

i stop.

now, i will try my very best to just BE.

let everything flow through.

i shall not care.

i will try not to try.

shit.

talking is my defense mechanism.

Random Notes:

*TV Prod=pressure
*Balay is the place to be
*I now sleep comfortably.
*Was sick for two days. haaay!
*Kilig moments here and there. Wala namang pinatutunguhan.
*Señor is just so cute (Spanish prof)
*Want to watch "Made of Honor"

resolution update

2008-06-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

It’s the end of the year’s first half and I would just like to update you with my resolutions. May nasunod ba? Hmmm…

10. Take my studies lightly.

Sure na nasunod ko ‘to. Ahahah! Kahit na nag-summer classes ako, masaya parin. I take everything one day at a time.

9. Continue my no-rice diet and my exercise routine.

Huhu! I eat rice once again. Di ko na kaya. Mahihimatay ako. I still exercise once in a while, hindi na regular.

8. Be patient.

I can safely safe that I have been very impatient. I did what I said that I would never do until…haaay, ayoko na mag-elaborate.

7. Avoid cracking offensive jokes.

Yung mga taong pinapatamaan ko lang ang makakasagot nito. Haha! I hope I never offended them.

6. Read a book at least once a month

I still read books but it’s not a monthly thing. I am currently reading “Can’t Buy Me Love.”

5. Be a good friend.

I am not perfect but I know that I’ve done everything I could to be a good friend.

4. Be selfless.

I’ve been definitely selfless. Lagi ko na ngang iniisip ang ibang tao.

3. Be a good son and a good brother.

I haven’t been the best son and brother but I know that I’ve been good. I’m okay.

2. Update this blog every Friday.

This is the resolution that I’ve just broken yesterday when I failed to update this blog. I still placed this one as a Friday entry, though.

1. I will never cut my hair and never shave any facial hair for the whole year.

Failure. Tsk.

Random Notes:

*Sorry if I don’t have concrete updates with the resolutions.
*Dorm=independence=fun
*Will buy Amy Winehouse concert dvd
*Grey's Anatomy's Finale was amazing. Grabe! Sobra! Lahat na! Watched it on youtube.
*Haven’t watched television for four days.
*Need to control spending money
*Classes=new=uncomfortable=weird
*He’s my blockmate which makes going to classes worthwhile.

class sked

2008-06-06T00:00:00.002-07:00

Classes start on Wednesday and I am very excited. Tuloy na ang aking pagdo-dorm with Gelo. Finally. This was a frustrating week. Anyway, here’s my schedule for my third year first semester:

Monday

11-2pm SURVEY OF WORLD LITERATURE 1
3-6pm ADVERTISING PRINCIPLES

Tuesday

No Classes (my only break!)

Wednesday

3-6pm PAGBASA AT PAGSULAT SA IBA’T IBANG DISIPLINA
6-9pm SCRIPTWRITING FOR RADIO/TV

Thursday

9-12nn TV PRODUCTION
1-4pm ELEMENTARY SPANISH

Friday

3-6pm EXPERIMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY

Saturday

7-9am SOCIAL DANCE
9-12nn COMMUNICATION AND SOCIO-CULTURAL CHANGE (wtf?!?)

Sunday

LTS

Let me tell you, I have a very short attention span and having a class for three hours straight (or gay) would kill me. I don’t know how I would handle all of these. May lts pa ako at p.e.

Random Notes:

*My mom and I were watching tv and then she blurted out, “Sino ba yan mukhang bakla!” She was referring to Rihanna in the Maroon 5 video of “If I Never See Your Face Again.” My mom just cracks me up. She had a point though. Rihanna has already strong features and cutting her hair that shorter just made her look more manly. No offense.
*Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers & Sisters had the best back-to-back episodes last Monday. Kudos!
*Alicia Keys will have a concert here in Manila on August 5, 2008. will watch!
*Ang laki ng kickback ko sa enrollment. Nakakakonsensya. I will use it naman for a good cause eh. (Alicia keys concert). Haha! Bad, jhong, Bad. Tuwad!
*Went to MoA last Tuesday. Splurged. Bought new jeans, shirt and a sweater. Bread Talk. First time to eat a Haagen Dazs ice cream. Anyway, wala namang pinagkaiba sa Selecta. Mahal lang.
* I thought this reshuffling thing would do its part in making me single no more. Tsk.
*Ron’s house today. Bonding before school starts.
*Belated Happy Birthday to Karen!
*Advanced Happy Birthday to Dartz, Julie and Jam!
*Julie, punta akong Bulacan…makakain lang sa party mo. Ahahaha! Pa-cheeseburger ka nalang sa pasukan. Wuhoooo!

change

2008-05-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

Being yourself may not be the best thing to do especially if “yourself” is not a very good person. I’ve been trying constantly to change who I am physically and emotionally, not because I’m tired of being myself but because it is what society dictates me to do. I am gay and people always have the stereotypes of what a gay guy should look like. No, it’s not the cross-dressing part or the make-up and wigs. Since society itself has changed, it now associates gays with new things. It’s the hair, the tight-fitting shirt, the skinny jeans and the pouting whenever a camera is present. This is how gays look like today. The funny thing is that all hot gay guys look exactly the same. It’s like a scientist made clones for everyone to enjoy.

RoboGay: Hi, I’m a hot gay guy. I’ll be your entertainer for today!

Which bring us to what Gelo said to me, “Kaya walang lumalandi sa’yo eh. Mukha ka paring lalaki.” Friends have always said this to me. I don’t fit the norm of gay people. But then again, my voice always gives me away. Once I open my mouth and talk, people would know that I am indeed gay. But what if I don’t talk at all?

For a moment, I tried to fit in to the gay box. I did a makeover to myself with the help of Gelo and somehow we all thought it worked. Ginela would always tell me, “Oy, that (gay) guy is looking at you. Kilig!” and my assuming self agreed. I enjoyed it. It was of course an ego booster in every angle.

After a while, I got really tired of it all. It’s exhausting to be someone that you’re really not. It seemed like I was part of a play that would never end. Inside of me was a voice that wanted to shout, “Close the fucking curtains already! I’m done.”

It wasn’t me. I always thought of myself as someone who just wanted to be with my friends and hang-out. It is okay to meet new people but growing relationships with the one you already have is much more valuable.

I remember what Reverie said about another person who was greeting a lot of people, “Kaibigan kasi ‘yan ng bayan eh.”

And then last Wednesday while on our way to Gateway, Chandra said, “Mag-bar ka kasi para makahanap ka na ng boylet.” The thing is I am not a bar person and I am probably the most boring person to be in a bar with. First, I’m a morning person. I am most likely to be the first one to pull my friends away and ask to go home. Second, I TRY (I’m not saying I don’t) not to drink and smoke. Third, I don’t want to meet a guy in a bar. I guess it’s just me but I don’t think it’s the most romantic place to meet someone.

People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. This is probably true but only if the change you undergo is for the better. I am not saying that I am better than the gay guys who fit the norm because I am clearly not. I just don’t want to lose myself through the process. I did all the changes so that I could find my “someone” already and I don’t want that. I don’t want to change for a person. I just want to be loved for who I am.

Eh bat ikaw...

Would you change for someone to love you?

Random Notes:

*I was a bit disappointed with the last episode of Your Song. Though it had a pseudo-happy ending, it wasn’t the ending I wanted. Kulang. Bitin.
*The new McDo commercial is just plain kadiri especially the part where he tried to drink the water spurting out of the car.
*I am loving “My Girl”. Even if all of them look like cartoons, I think Kim is doing very well with her character. I’m glad she’s pulling it off. Kahit minsan OA na pero 'yun talaga siguro yung hinihingi ng role niya.
*Addicted to Amy Winehouse. Kahit durugista, okay lang. Ganda ng songs!
*It was really weird asking my blockmates their new sections. Ang sakit sa puso!
*While on our way home from Gateway, Kat and I saw a huge billboard of Chris Tiu modeling Hanford. He was just wearing a black sando. The biceps mhen-->Makalaglag panty at brief, makapigtas bra, makatulo mens. Lahat na! Ang amo pa ng mukha niya, mukhang masarap alagaan. Joke.
*I wanna watch Sex and the City so badly. I was big fan of the show when it was still airing on HBO. I miss Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and of course Samantha! Okay, I just want to see Jason Lewis again. Rawr! Will watch next week after I enroll para may kick back. Sa Alabang nalang siguro ako manonood para sundo ni mama. Yipee!
*I opened my Friendster profile for everyone. Wala namang sikreto dun eh. Search niyo ko ah: “Jhong Valencia”. Add me up. Yey!
*Thank You to Esfrey, Meann, Vanie, Tere and Kat for the ego boosters last Wednesday. Sige na Kat, feeler na ko. Haha!
*Sabi ni Lou, sumingkit daw ako lalo. Waaaah! wala na kong mata.
*Miss ko na comments ni cely, liz at tonton. Busy na siguro sila kasi lapit na pasukan.
*It’s the last Friday of May.
*June, here I come. Parang hinihintay ako ni June ah. Ngye corny!

your song

2008-05-23T00:01:00.001-07:00

Brothers and Sisters
Six Feet Under
Will and Grace
Queer as Folk
Ugly Betty
Hollyoaks (UK)
Forbidden Love (Germany)
Les Bleus (France)
Clara Sheller (France)

These are tv shows which have prominent gay characters. I watched the first five on dvd and the others on YouTube (thank God!).

It is sad that here in the Philippines, we rarely see shows with a gay character.

But then, this month’s ‘Your Song’ on ABSCBN finally has..not one but three gay characters and it IS centered on a gay storyline. From the first time I saw the teaser, I knew that I would glue myself to the television to watch this one. I’ve never been more excited about a show since the first book of ‘Maging Sino Ka Man’ (the second one was bleh!).

This month’s Your Song with the title “Without You” is a milestone in Philippine Television History. It’s the first time that the lead character is a clear representation and a more realistic portrayal of a gay man. The story is everything gay and it is a love story. The theme song is sung by Erik Santos which makes it even gayer!

Joross Gamboa is Bobby. Victor Basa is John. Cathy Gonzaga is Jen. Bobby likes John. John is Jen’s brother. Jen likes Bobby.

Bobby is a Culinary Arts graduate and the chef of their restaurant. John is a Law graduate who has already taken, and unfortunately, failed the Bar Exams twice so he needs to take it again. Jen happens to be the sweet, caring, and loving sister of John.
Bobby will do everything just to get John’s attention and Jen will not stop until she gets Bobby’s heart. She would always give gifts and bake something for Bobby.

Bobby confides his problems to his chef best friend (Lui Villaruz).

I applaud the writers for a great story.

Joross is amazing and very much TOO convincing that I have to wonder if he really is gay.

Lui Villaruz sucks as the best friend. Mediocre acting.

Victor Basa is okay. Not so good but not bad either.

Cathy Gonzaga is wonderful. Hilarious. Likeable.

This show has very memorable lines like:

“Janice is you” –Bobby to John (yung mga nanonood lang ang makaka-gets nito)

“Hindi kita puwedeng mahalin KASI MAHAL KA NG KAPATID ko.” –John to Bobby

Bobby: Ako muna
John: Hindi, ako muna

It’s hard to watch this show since it’s every Sunday and my sisters are all in the house and I find it very difficult to sneak and watch it without them raising an eyebrow. Damn!

The last episode is on Sunday. I don’t want it to end yet!

Random Notes:

*Belated Happy Birthday to Shandy! I had fun last Wednesday.
*I overheard some guy at Shandy’s party saying, “Ang galing ni David Hortaleza sa American Idol”. He was obviously joking and it was so funny.
*David Cook won American Idol. I wanted Archuleta to win but I guess Cook deserved it.
*No reshuffling. Yey!
*Watching a lot of videos on YouTube. Overload na!
*Downloaded Chico and Del’s Top Ten. I just discovered the site recently. I downloaded a lot. I love Chico. Is he gay?
*Few weeks ago, I found out that “Bleeding Love” was actually written by the front man of OneRepublic and chenen…Jesse McCartney. Who would’ve thought?
*Crash No More: We just had everything re-installed. Yey!
*Meet up with Kat later. Starbs! God, I miss her. Kaaaaaaaaattttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!

crashed

2008-05-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

I'm really bummed right now because our pc just crashed. I'm in a computer shop and I cannot write a decent entry. I'll just share to you my current favorite song. ahaha! koneksyon.

It's another "we belong together"-kind of song from Mariah Carey. Ang sakit sa puso! Kumusta naman.

I stay in love - Mariah Carey

Lyrics:

I STAY IN LOVE

Oh baby
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you dont' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na
Baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Now go I know

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
Baby, baby
I stay in love with you

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love.

Random Notes:

*Monday: Finals on Finance. Last day!
*Will start working out. Career kung career!
*Done with the new hairstyle. Back to the old one.

the inevitable

2008-05-09T02:10:00.000-07:00

It’s inevitable that this is a mother’s day entry.

It’s really sad that this coming Sunday, my mom will not be with us because she’s been in Bora with friends since yesterday. Sosyalan! Sa Monday pa balik niya.

If I had to describe my mother with just one word, it would have to be GENEROUS. She is the most giving person I know. That’s why God also gives her a lot of blessings back. It’s karma.

Anyway, people always say that they want their own mother to be their bestfriend.

Well I don’t.

What do I do with a bestfriend?

Probably laugh, tell jokes, share problems, talk about crushes and sex stuffs.

I don’t want to do those things with my mother…especially the last two. Siguro pwede pa ‘yung laugh and tell jokes because my mom has a very good sense of humor. But crushes and sex? No way!

I want my mom to be A MOM. I still want her to be strict, to make rules, to text me just to know where I am and that I am safe, to give me money (har!); to do all the things that parents do and still make time to bond with me and have the most fun ever!

I love my mom. I’m not going to say that she’s the best mom in the world because, well, maybe she isn’t. Hahahaha!

But to me, she’s the best. I Love you Ma! Happy Mother’s Day!

Random Notes:

*I kept it short. I didn’t want to bore you with all my seriousness.
*Mariah got married. Bummer!
*Summer Classes will end next week. Wuhoo!
*Hoping that Nicole of PBB goes home tomorrow. Ang landing bata! Okay lang rin kung si Rona.
*Bought a new bag. Yey!
*Apparently, the character of Eric (Gossip Girl) is gay. Nice one!
*Kevin and Scotty (Brothers and Sisters) are getting married. Sweet.
*Watched pilot of “Samantha Who” last Sunday. Christina Applegate was hilarious.
*Nothing much this week. Konting kakiligan.
*I’m planning to have my eyebrows pierced again tomorrow. Ahahah! Tsk.

someone better

2008-05-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

I was listening to RX once again and the topic for their top ten of the day was “the difficult choices of your life.” One guy texted: I think I found my soulmate, my one great love. But the thing is I have a girlfriend of eight years. Though we’re not really having any problems, I just think that I would be happier with the other girl. Should I break up with my girlfriend and pursue the other girl or should I stay with my girlfriend and forever wonder what could’ve been?

Those were not his words exactly. I just rephrased it but you get the drift, right? Anyway, if I would be in the same situation, I probably would’ve gone crazy at this very moment. Mahirap talaga solusyonan ang ganyang problema. You really don’t know what choice to take and what decision to make.

I have never been in love. It’s true. All I had were what I call “Extreme Infatuation” which lasted for a month or two. So whatever opinion I will give about this issue are not based from any experience and should not be taken so seriously. I just want to give my two cents on the issue.

I have a couple of friends who broke up with their respective boyfriends because they thought that the other guys they found were better than the previous ones. Is this the right mindset?

Joe D’ Mango’s statement comes to mind: Love is not finding someone better. It is staying with the one you found and making it work.

True.

But there is a dilemma: What if the other girl IS REALLY your soulmate and that you would really be happier with her, what would you do?

MY OPINION: You can never be sure if the other girl is your soulmate. The fact remains that no matter what happens, you will always find someone better. You can say that I am siding with Joe D’ Mango because, what the hell, he is the MAN when it comes to love. But what he said is definitely true. You also have to take into consideration the feelings of your current girlfriend. Kawawa naman siya. She’s not perfect and so is the other girl you found. And that other girl you found have flaws that you may not like as well. Pareho lang din! I think all you need is to make things more fun with your current girlfriend. Spice things up. Do activities you’ve never done before. Make it exciting once again. Get that ‘kilig’ factor just like the first time. Remember what you love about your girlfriend in the first place. Go from there.

THE VERDICT: Forget the other girl. Stay with your girlfriend. Make it work. Spark things up.

In the end, you’ll realize that you’ve just made the right choice!

Random Notes:

* Pwede ko na ata palitan si Joe D’ Mango. Career ito!
* I am now sporting the ‘gay hairstyle’. You know, the one with the quasi-Mohawk with the side bangs and stuff. Gets? Gelo made me do it. He’s making me gayer everyday. I love it, though. It’s Siriano-fierce!
*Speaking of Gelo, he introduced me to a guy last Wednesday whose name is Patrick Valencia. Same as mine. The catch is…he’s gay too. Grabe! That is so COINCIDENCE INCARNATE. Sorry for using ‘incarnate’ once again. I know it’s getting old. Can’t help it. Sorry. Ang galing kasi! Sobrang coincidence.
* Maligno’s pilot was exceptional. I got to see Rafael Rossel’s butt crack for a split second. I wonder how it passed the MTRCB’s standards.
* My iPod has a new case and it’s purple. Ang bakla talaga!
* I bought new dvds of “Love In The Time Of Cholera”, Seasons 3 and 4 of “Project Runway” and Seasons 3, 4 and 5 of “Will and Grace.” Marathon na!
*Uno prelim grade ko sa Finance. Fair enough. Yabang. Ahahaha!
*Failed to watch “Manay Po 2”. Meron pa ba? My mom keeps bugging me to watch “When Love Begins…” with her. Eh ayoko talaga nun eh!
*Nag-report na kami ni eng blockmate ko. Okay naman. Hihi!
*MAY na! Grabe, time flies by so fast.
*I hope either Jolas or Rona goes home tomorrow.

spoiled me.

2008-04-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

So I guess I’m spoiled. Being the only son and the youngest one, it has always been evident that I am the favorite of my mother. I tell you, my sisters would attest to that. Remember my post last week? I posted a picture of a Mariah freebie, the iPod skin. I wrote that I had no use for it because I didn’t have an iPod. Last Monday, I talked to my mom using my most “malabing-paawa-effect” voice:

Me: Ma, ang ganda nung libreng iPod skin ni Mariah.
Mom: Oo nga eh.
Me: Sayang wala naman akong iPod.
Mom: Magkano ba yun?
Me: Meron sa greenhills. 6K lang. Second hand. (halatang nag-research na eh noh?)
Mom: O sige, bili ako bukas.
Me: Yehey!

I never really thought that she would buy the iPod. When I got home last Tuesday, to my surprise…CHENEN!

The funny thing is, we believe that the iPod was snatched from someone before we bought it because there were still photos of the girl in it. Wawa nga eh! I think she’s still in highschool. But then again, I’m so happy that I have the iPod. Boo Hoo!

Since I wrote about my “summer friends” last week, I would just like to share few pictures we took yesterday:

Clockwise: starting from me, and then Gelo, Ginela, Julia and Kareen. The other girl in the next pic is Celine (the funniest girl ever!)

Random Notes:

*I haven't used the iPod skin. Pagsasawaan ko muna yung pagiging plain niya.
*Kevin’s dad is getting on my nerves. Good thing he’s leaving tomorrow.
*Addicted to Project Runway. Christian Siriano is fierce, fabulous and flawless. Haha!
*Remember the deed? Same thing this week. I guess I can only do it on weekends. Is this a sign from the heavens above?
*Heat attack.
*Climate change. It rains once in a while.
*Ryan Eigenmann got so thin! I saw him in Lobo. I want to lose more weight!
*Maligno’s trailer is amazing! Will watch this one.
*Mariah’s album--#1.
*I have an engineering blockmate in English. Sabi ko sa mga friends ko na cute siya. The next day, they kept teasing me. As in kapag magre-recite siya, they would go like “Jhong, uy…si Jhong. Yihee” Sobrang nakakahiya. Pati si Ma’am Cruz nanggatong pa, “Ito talagang si Mr. Valencia, sinusundan pa ng tingin.” Sobra! I was an EMBARRASSMENT INCARNATE. Grrr! Ma’am Cruz even assigned the two of us to be partners in a report. Waaaah!

playlist

2008-04-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

I like music a lot. So I would just like to give you a list of what’s on my playlist at the moment. It’s mostly Pop/R&B/Mellow. I never really liked Rock especially OPM Rock/Alternative/Emo/Whatever-you-want-to-call-it kind of music. I have nothing against it. Just not my cup of tea.

My Playlist:

1. All the songs from Mariah’s new album. (Hindi talaga ‘to mawawala)
2. Never Letchu Go- Janet Jackson (mellow song from her latest album.)
3. Bleeding Love- Leona Lewis (hindi parin ako nagsasawa! Evah!)
4. I Remember- Keyshia Cole (Huhu! Tearjerker song.)
5. Everywhere I Go- Katharine McPhee (ganda ng beat.)
6. Take A Bow- Rihanna (another hit)
7. If That’s Okay With You- Shayne Ward (gwapo siya eh. Catchy song!)
8. Love Like This- Natasha Bedingfield ft. Sean Kingston (Sheyo Ariel!)
9. Superstar- Lupe Fiasco (ganda ng chorus. Yun lang!)
10. Back Into You- Amber Davis (infairness ha!)
11. Leavin’- Jesse McCartney (G5 G5)
12. Love Song- Nancy Jane (alam niyo bang si Nancy Castiliogne talaga siya? Kinahihiya kong gusto ko ito. Kaso sobrang catchy talaga. LSS mhen!)
13. Love In This Club- Usher (I’m just glad he has a new song)
14. 4 minutes- Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake (and her too!)

Songs From The Past…Nostalgic Indeed:

1. Foolish- Ashanti
2. This Side- Nickel Creek
3. True- Ryan Cabrera
4. Doesn’t Really Matter- Janet Jackson
4. All I Have- Jennifer Lopez ft. LL Cool J
5. Dilemma- Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland
6. If You’re Not The One- Daniel Bedingfield
7. I Knew I Loved You- Savage Garden
8. I Wanna Know- Joe
9. No Scrubs- TLC
10. Nice and Slow- Usher

Since we're on the topic of music, I FINALLY GOT MY MARIAH CD!!!

Since I reserved my copy, I also got some freebies!!!

a. Reservation Card

b. VIP Card (who knows for what?)

c. iPod Skin (don't have an iPod--no use)

d. Poster

Random Notes:

*I posted this one after I got home from school because the server wasn't working this morning.
*Summer Classes=haggard. But then again, I’m so happy with my new friends! Pwede ko na ipagpalit ang block ko. Joke lang!
*Sleep Deprived.
*Haven’t watched PBB since Sunday.
*I’ve seen episodes of Lobo though and Piolo seems to be shirtless all the time. Is this their way of boosting their ratings? Hmm…
*That colgate/close-up (sorry I forgot) guy (the one who’s inviting people to send videos) is kinda cute. Wag lang siya magsalita.
*Haven’t done the deed since classes started. Record Breaking! Wala na kong time and stamina. Pagod lagi. Sorry for the conservative people out there. Sharing lang.
*C2 overload
*Missing my blockmates
*Classes end on May 20. Can’t Wait.
*I saw Ma’am Cielo. She’s pregnant once again. Ang hilig!
*Ma’am Cruz told us that the four sections of third year CA will be re-shuffled and trimmed down to three sections. I don’t want to believe it until June comes. I’m a bit torn. A part of me wants to be with all of my blockmates and the other part wants to meet new people.
*My Finance subject is great.. Kaklase ko SIYA eh. I really don’t like him that much but I can never resist looking at those LIPS. Sobrang pula. Napapalingon nalang ako bigla. He always seems so lost and innocent. Awww! But then again…

CLICHÉ OF THE WEEK: He doesn’t even know I’m alive. He just passes me by.

summerskwela

2008-04-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

I had it coming. I went to UST last Wednesday to enroll for my summer classes. Since I stopped for one semester, I have to take up at most three subjects to catch up with my blockmates. And as usual, even before I stepped foot at the gates of the school I knew something wrong would happen. It always happens in UST. The school would definitely test my patience for the nth time.

If you want to prove that UST has the most “bulok sistema” in Manila, you could just ask me and I would attest to that point right away. It was blazing hot when I went to room 101 to encode my subjects. I first chose History, English and Finance but the schedule of the first two overlapped so I had to cancel History. I then settled to NatSci but when I was about to encode it, the girl on the desk said that the slots for the subject haven’t been opened yet. WHY WOULD YOU FREAKING POST IN THE BULLETIN BOARD, “NATSCI ALREADY OPEN FOR SUMMER CLASSES” IF IN FACT IT ISN’T AVAILABLE YET?!?!? Katangahan to the extreme level!

The people there just told me to enroll first the two subjects that I wanted so I could already save a slot and then I could go back to check if slots for NatSci would open. I went to the oh-so-far-away seminary gym to pay my tuition. I fell in line and waited for my turn after at least 15 minutes. And then behold, I paid 8,900php for only two subjects. Ang mahal grabe! I went back to my building and OF COURSE, NatSci slots were still unavailable. I was so infuriated, irritated and most definitely TIRED that I just decided to go home and go back the next day.

I went very early last Thursday morning so that I could have it all done and go home at once. I was there at 7:30am. AND ONCE AGAIN, the guard told me that the encoding for summer classes would be at 9am. I started to laugh in front of him. I knew it would happen. It always happens! You know the feeling of so much anger that you were already on the verge of tears? That was me at that time. I was also battling the heat noh!

9am. I was in room 101 and I waited for several minutes because the laptop wouldn’t work. I kept going in front of the room to ask if the slots for NatSci were already available and they kept telling me to just wait. WTF?!?! When they finally told me that it was available, they said that the form I filled up was wrong because since I was just going to add a subject, I had to fill a different form. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT A WHILE AGO?!?!” I went to the dean’s office to get the form. I filled it up and went straight to the seminary gym. The guy who was encoding it told me that I needed first the signature of a representative from the dean’s office. The fucking guy from the dean’s office forgot to sign it! I had no choice. You do what you gotta do. And so I went back to my building to get the signature from the dean’s office and then I went back to the gym. I was already raging mad at this point that I was already doing my “angas walk.” I was holding my ID and I swear I wanted to strangle each person I passed by with my lace.

When I was inside the gym again, I went straight to the guy before and gave him everything needed. There was another problem in the computer which made me blurt out, “Ano na naming problema?!?! Kahapon pa ako nandito ah!” The poor guy got so scared that he hurriedly ran my papers. I felt really sorry for him afterwards. He was just doing his job. I finally got my subjects together and it was all good in the end.

My schedule: (Monday-Friday)

7am-9am NATSCI
9am-11am ENGLISH
1pm-3pm FINANCE

TO UST: HINDI IBIG SABIHIN NA 400 YEARS NA KAYO AY KAILANGAN 400 YEARS OLD DIN ANG SISTEMA NIYO!

Random Notes:

*I know that he doesn’t read this but I actually saw Kevin during that whole thing because he’s doing Eco. We just said our hellos and the usual small talk. We didn’t do the entire enrolling thing together because I could already imagine the dead air and awkward silences that would transpire when we’re together. Kevin’s nice but we really didn’t have anything to talk about. Hihi!
*We bought a rabbit. His name is Pancakes after Summer’s rabbit in The O.C. He's cute and all but I really don't like animals and I'm scared of them which explains why in these pictures, my sister was holding him.

*Swimming with the family last Tuesday in Muntinlupa. Dur, nag-outing pa kame. Sobrang lapit lang. We had a karaoke session! Fun.

*MC’s album leaked. I downloaded it. So Good. I stay in looooovvvveeee! Will still buy the album of course.
*Summer classes start next week I really don’t know what to expect and I have no idea what I’m going to do with that two-hour break.
*Have you seen the episode of PBB with Josef and Nicole getting all munchy-munchy together? Idol ko na si Josef in making girls fall for him. Ang astig! He planned it all along: the supposedly tampo with Nicole and then making konsensya tapos magbabati sila. Nice!
*Robi!!!

PBBTEP

2008-04-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

I haven’t been watching Pbb religiously this week because it’s been a bit crappy with the parents living also inside the house. What’s the deal with that?!? I kinda miss the plain big brother. Masyado nang maraming pakulo. Anyway, I will try to give my honest comments about the 14 housemates. And as I always do, I will rank them starting with my least favorite:

14. Jieriel
Ayoko sa lahat ang MAIINGAY! From the moment she stepped inside the house, her mouth has been unstoppable. Ang sarap i-masking tape…mali, stapler dapat para dumugo! She felt guilty because she was the only one who felt that Josef and Robi weren’t really friends. Yeah you should blame yourself. Dahil sa’yo, wala kayong makain! What’s also with her and her stepfather being so close? May relasyon ata yung dalawa eh. Lastly, I turned the volume down when she started making her graduation speech last Tuesday. If you saw that episode, you probably know why. I-evict na nga yan!

13. Jolas
I don’t like him. Medyo feeling gwapo kahit hindi naman! Plus, hindi ko siya maramdaman sa show. Invisible housemate.

12. Nan
He is slated as the “comedian” in the house but has yet to make me laugh. Hindi nga nagjo-joke eh. He’s just this plain-probinsyano-teenager inside the house. He’s not even goodlooking for me to enjoy watching him. I’m so mean!!!!!!!!

11. Rona
Just like Jolas, hindi ko sya maramdaman. All I know is that her father’s in jail. Kasama din sya dun sa graduation. Yun lang! Hindi sya exciting. She should strip naked one of these days or have sex with one of the guys for me to notice her. Kahit oral lang okay na.

10. Nicole
She’s pretty and all. She seems nice. She’s also easy on the eyes. Goody-goody. She should also do something big to have more screen time.

9. Linda
I didn’t like her at first because on the pilot, the camera had a close-up of her and her skin wasn’t that good. Sorry lang! Maganda siya sa malayo. Fargenic! Ahahaha! It’s great that they did that twirling baton acrobatic churva. At least, medyo naging bida siya dun. At umepal na naman si Jieriel sa pag-iyak. May katangahan moment din siya when she asked, "Dalawang beses ba dapat nagpapatuli?"

8. Kevin
Hot. Nice. Well-Behaved. Boring. Buti nalang gwapo siya.

7. Valerie
She’s very pretty. I think anyone who has a foreign blood is good looking. Anyway, I just noticed that a lot of the housemates have foreign blood. What’s with that? Parang hindi na PINOY Big Brother ah! Hindi na nabigyan ng chance yung mga totoong Pinoy talaga. Going back to Valerie, I really thought she’d be this bitchy type of housemate because well, she has the right to be and I think she can carry that image. She’s the prettiest in the batch. But in all fairness to her, she’s very nice and very friendly. She’s also soft-spoken which I truly love. Hindi tulad ni Jieriel! Ahahahaha!

6. Josef
This guy looks a bit like Geoff Eigenmann He’s cute. Hindi naman conyo kahit taga-La Salle at sobrang kasundo niya sina Alex at Kevin. I like him especially last week when he and Robi still had the best buds forever task. Seemed gayish! Love it.

5. Alex
The first time I saw him I thought he was gay because he resembles Uma. But then Luis said that Alex is currently in a relationship with a Filipina. So I guess he’s not gay. He was so funny when he thought that Josef would really circumcise him the traditional Filipino way. Man if I was in his place, I’d be screaming my lungs out and get out of the house right away! He was also a very good actor when he did that April Fool’s prank.

MY BIG FOUR:

4. Beauty
She’s really funny. I always look for her whenever I watch. She always has her moments which make me love her even more. She’s not that pretty but she has charm written all over her. She apparently had a scandal of some sort which made her school prevent her from graduating. Sad.

3. Ejay
Two words: ORGASM INCARNATE!

2. Robi
I sooooo love him! What I like in a guy changes from time to time but now I’m into that geeky-nerdy-shy-introvert-laidback-simple type so I guess Robi fits in that category perfectly. He never had a girlfriend. Gay? I hope. Ahahah! And that smile!!!!!!!!!!! Gorgeous smile. Never fails to melt my well-shaped scrotum. Kidding.

1. Priscilla
This girl is my Big Winner. From the moment I learned she’s deaf, I knew that she’s my bet all the way. She’s very charismatic. Sobrang sexy! She failed to be Miss Teen Philippines because she wasn’t able to hear the buzzer. Laughtrip mhen! Plus, I can do a mean impression of her. “May problem kasi ako sa ear” Harhar! There was also this heartbreaking episode when she started to cry when she told Jieriel her worries of being deaf like not having a job, a man who would love her, etc. I hope she wins.

Random Notes:

*Next week yung sa mga parents naman nila. Joke.
*Ang tagal ng April 15. Kating-kati na singit ko. Mariah gained her 18th #1 single in the US with Touch My Body. Wuhoo!
*My mom just bought my 5-year-old niece her own cellphone. I completely disagreed with this because she’s just too young. I told my mom and my sister not to buy her any gadgets yet because she should learn to love first the simple things in life.
*I went to Trinoma last Tuesday for the first time. I love their PowerBooks!
*I saw a lot of gay novels at National Book Store. Pero puta, ang mamahal! More or less 700php!
*Michael Johns’ performance last Wednesday on American Idol was just amazing. The sexiest voice ever!
*Jesse McCartney has a new song, Leavin’. I love everything about this song especially the “G5, G5” part. Nice! It was produced by The Dream who also did Rihanna’s Umbrella and of course Mariah’s Touch My Body. The critics love it. He’s starting to do R&B records now. It’s a great departure form his uber-pop songs before. I also love the video. I never knew he could be THAT hot! You get a glimpse of his pits (oh, fetish!). Disney Channel (which was a Jesse McCartney-favored network) wouldn’t play it because they thought the vid was suggestive and a little too much for their young viewers. Anyway here it is:

batangas babeh!

2008-03-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

I first thought of doing my pinoy big brother entry but since I just had my first summer outing which was super fun, I decided to do that one instead. My blockmates and I went to Batangas last Tuesday. Late ako! Very embarrassing.

They kept calling me to ask where I was. Ako naman, “Fx pa eh. Faura na!” and then after a few minutes, “Jeep na. Sobrang lapit na promise.” When I finally arrived, everyone was already there and they really literally just waiting for me! Sobrang nakakahiya! Sorry ulet guys. Love you all! I had fun with the ride. Sobrang sikip. Siksikan!

What would I remember most about the outing? THE FOOD! Tipid na tipid kami. Laughtrip talaga! We were like, “5 scoop of rice for each (using a plastic spoon!) and 7 pieces of liempo (which was cut into small pieces!). Wala pa sa esophagus ko yung kinain.

I also had the chance to cook breakfast with Tere and Colet. Ang hirap pala magluto ng scrambled egg at pancit canton for 25 people! Ahahahaha! I had fun though. I just love the thought that I HELPED in some way. Wala akong pinapatamaan! Kidding. Oy, namalengke din ako ah. Freaky experience cause the girl killed the fish in front of us, taking out the heart, the insides and everything. Then when I held the plastic with the fish, it was still moving like crazy. Waaaaaah!

Swimming was also great. I didn’t get a tan because I swam late at night which was okay. I don’t really wanna get darker this summer. I’m dark enough, thank you.

Random Notes:

*Just this morning, I was listening to Nicole and Cris(?) of Love Radio. (oo na, avid listener na ko) They had this top 5 list on how to know if a guy is bisexual:

5. Nagsusuot siya ng skinny jeans at kung naka-polo, yung collar ay laging nakataas.
4. Kung hindi siya skinhead, may highlights naman ang buhok.
3. Sobra siyang malinis sa katawan. Matagal masyado sa banyo.
2. Ang kanyang pouch or bag ay may powder, lipgloss, at petroleum jelly.
1. Ang kanyang laptop, iPod or cellphone ay may M2M videos (male to male).

May pahabol pa na texters:

1.1. Kapag siya ay may downlink at guys4men account.
1.2. Kapag siya ay nakikinig sa kanyang iPod ng Mariah Carey, Regine Velasquez o kaya Pussycat Dolls.

I am not bisexual and I never will be. I only like men! Forever! Ahahahah! The top 5 list doesn’t apply to me at all. Pati yung 1.1 hindi parin! I’m only guilty with 1.2. Mariah Fan talaga ako! I also think Regine is the best singer in this country kahit alam kong maraming may ayaw sa kanya.

*Next week nalang yung pbb. May problem kasi ako sa ear- Priscilla. Love her! And Ejay and Robi. Hihi! Si Beauty pa pala!
*Petrified to know my grades! Pwede na raw makita sa main building. Waah!
*Can’t wait for my summer classes. Bored na ko.
*Clearance on April 8. Wanna see my blockmates badly! Miss ko na kayo.
*April 15. MC’s album!

oh no she didn't!

2008-03-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Dahil Mahal Na Araw ngayon, pag-usapan natin si Janina San Miguel.

Walang koneksyon, alam ko.

Siya ang nagwagi bilang Bb. Pilipinas-World.

Si Janina ang laman ng mga usap-usapan kamakailang dahil sa mali-mali niyang Ingles sa nasabing patimpalak. (PIC: she's the one in the middle)

Ano ang masasabi ko tungkol dito?

Hindi ko makakaila at hindi rin naman ako impokrito para sabihing hindi nakakatawa ang ginawa ni Janina. Dahil in all fairness, laughtrip talaga!

Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, naaawa ako sa kanya.

Naawa ako sa paraang masyado siyang hinusgahan ng mga tao at nasabihan pang "bobo" o kaya "tanga" dahil lamang sa mali ang kanyang mga Ingles.

Hindi natin pangunahing wika ang Ingles at kahit na pinag-aralan natin ito mula noong tayo ay bata pa, hindi naman natin masasabi na eksperto na tayo dito.

"Bakit hindi nalang siya nag-tagalog?" tanong ng marami.

Duh! Unspoken Rule na kaya yun na kapag nasa beauty pageant ka, kailangan Ingles ang gagamitin.

At least she tried. The important thing is, she tried.

Hindi kailanman magiging basehan ang pagiging magaling sa Ingles upang masabi na matalino ang isang tao.

Nagiging matalino ang isang tao dahil sa kanyang mga naging karanasan sa buhay, sa kung paano niya nalagpasan ang bawat problemang dumaan sa kaniya.

Masyado lang talaga siguro tayo naging mapanghusga.

Wala naman masama kung siya ang ilaban natin sa international contest. Si Miss Japan nga eh, may interpreter last year pero siya parin ang nagwagi bilang Miss Universe.

Sa totoo lang, wala naman pakialam yung mga taga-ibang bansa kung magaling tayo sa Ingles dahil alam naman nila na hindi natin ito pangunahing wika.

Edi magdala din tayo ng interpreter doon! Malay mo siya pa ang magwagi!

Go Janina!

Random Notes:

*Visita Iglesia yesterday. Heat Explosion! Sucks!
*Reading "Last Summer" by Michael Thomas Ford. Some gay novel I found at Booksale. Quite an interesting read.
*Stopped reading "I Know This Much Is True" for a while. Ang haba eh!
*Finals are over! Can't wait to see my Philo grade. Fingers crossed.
*Also can't wait for my summer class. Dying over boredom here.
*Outing next week. Batangas diba? See you blockmates! Punta kayo ha!

My Holy Crush

2008-03-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

Three Sundays ago I heard mass and as usual I was in twilight zone, thinking of other things far more interesting and occasionally sitting and standing when other people did.

Opening song…(thinking of my friends)

Responsorial Psalm…(thinking of what I would do after mass)

Homily…(thinking of school)

Prayer of the Faithful…(thinking of my crush)

Offertory…(thinking of American Idol)

Ama Namin…(thinking of what I should do to lose more weight)

And then Communion started. I never really do that. I don’t even remember the last time I had a communion. Again, hindi ako satanista. I just have a different belief.

I stare a lot. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ganun lang talaga. Lalo na kung sa simbahan, kapag may nakita akong isang tao, lagi ko na siyang titingnan sa buong isang oras ng pagsisimba. Weird. Creepy! Stalker mode na naman.

So Communion nga diba, tapos tingin ako ng tingin sa mga tao. Scanning all the faces, wanting to see someone that I knew. Maybe a batchmate or a long-lost friend. And then my eyes fell on this guy who was wearing an all-white ensemble. He had this bushy eyebrows which always appealed to me, a goatee that made him extra sexy, a great stature, smiling eyes and a melting smile.

I was so enchanted to the point of being hypnotized by the looks of this guy that I didn’t realize that he was actually standing in front of the aisle, facing the people who were in line, giving this white thingy to each of them.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Anak naman ng Chicharon o! Pari pala ang puta! (sorry sa bad word)

At first, I thought he was just a minister, layman, deacon or whatever. But then he gave a talk after the mass. He’s from Don Bosco Nueva Ecija daw! They were asking for help financially. I couldn’t really concentrate on what he was saying because I couldn’t get over the fact that this young and oh-so good-looking guy was a priest.

Is it wrong to have a crush on a priest?

Hindi ko alam. Siguro naman hindi. Crush lang naman diba? Andame ko na atang kasalanan kay God. Ayoko nang dagdagan pa ang mga ito. Siguro kung kakausapin ko si God, ano kaya mangyayari?

Ako: Uy, nakita ko yung isa mong alagad. Medyo cute. Akin na lang. Pakawalan mo na, please?

God: NO! Hindi maari. Konti na nga lang ang mga pari at madre, kukuhanin mo pa!

Ako: Pero God, kahit siya lang ang pakawalan mo. Hindi ko matanggap eh! Magpapakabait na ko, promise.

God: Naku Jhong, ilang beses ko nang narinig sa’yo yan.

Ako: This time, it’s for real na!

God: Wushoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ako: Trulalooooooo! Malay mo kami talaga para sa isa’t isa.

God: Hinde noh! Ambisyosa ka! Bwahahahah!

Ako: (starts to sob)

God: Don’t cry na my dear. I have someone for you naman eh. Just wait.

Ako: Weh?!?!!?!? No joke?

God: Oo! Promise!

Ako: Sige na nga. I’ll let this go na!

God: Just be a good boy, okay?

Ako: Sureness, God! Love yah to pieces!

God: Love yah to pieces chicken joy with extra rice!

Ako: NGYE!

Anyway, I’m not mocking God. Ganyan lang talaga kami mag-usap sa araw-araw na ginawa niya.

On a not-so-light note:

BAKIT SI DAVID HERNANDEZ ANG TINANGGAL SA AMERICAN IDOL?!??!!?!

SIYA PA NAMAN ANG NAG-IISANG DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT AKO NANONOOD EVERY WEEK!

IS IT BECAUSE HE WAS ONCE A GAY STRIPPER AND RUMORED TO HAVE A BOYFIREND FOR TWO/THREE YEARS?!?!?!

PEOPLE CAN BE SO UNFORGIVING.

I KNOW HE WASN’T REALLY GOOD THIS WEEK BUT IT WAS STILL NOT HIS TIME TO GO!

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

NAWALAN NA TULOY AKO NG GANA MANOOD NG A.I.

I’LL DEFINITELY MISS DAVID! SA YOUTUBE KO NALANG TULOY SIYA MAPAPANOOD AND IF EVER, SA REUNION NG MGA CONTESTANTS SA FINALE.

Random Notes:

*Nag-start na ang finals! Eeeeekkk!
*We don’t have classes today but I told everyone here at home that we do. So, maglalakwatsa ako. May allowance pa ako for the day! Evil me.
*Maybe I’ll watch “Meet The Spartans”. I hope it’s not a trying-hard-to be-scary movie-kind of film. Na-disappoint na ako before sa “Epic Movie”. Waste of my time and money!
*Holy Week na! Seventh Heaven Marathon na naman sa Studio 23.
*Have a great weekend. =)

impulsive

2008-03-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

I’m impulsive. Marami na akong ginawang mga bagay na hindi ko pinag-isipan. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad one. Since I don’t like routines, I try to be spontaneous in everything that I do. I love it when an idea comes to me out of nowhere. Most of the time, it pays off. But other times, it doesn’t.

For example, my pierced eyebrow. I thought of getting one right away. I didn’t even think about it for a week nor did I weigh the pros and cons of getting one. After four months, I stopped wearing the eyebrow ring(?). I’ve outgrown it. I’m over that stage, I guess.

I also tried to smoke. Not to fit in. Not to be cool. But just to try it once in my life. I quit after three months because I wouldn’t want to have a hard time quitting once I get REALLY addicted. But then again, smoking was liberating for me.

I bought seven books in the last two weeks. When I see rare books in BookSale, I buy it right away especially when they are from Oprah’s Book Club or something Pulitzer-Prize winning. I rarely see Nicholas Sparks there, though. Kainis! Puro Stephen King, Patricia Cornwell at Danielle Steele. I don’t know when I’m going to finish all these books. Siguro sa summer.

Lagi din akong nanonood ng sine na hindi ko naman pinaplano. Kapag wala akong magawa sa bahay, pupunta nalang ako ng SM Bicutan at manonood ng kahit ano. Kahit hindi ko masyadong trip yung movie, basta may magawa lang.

I love Quiapo. I’m a very impulsive dvd buyer. I make it a point to buy dvds once a week. May suki na nga ako eh, si Ate. Fonny! Syempre hindi ako pumupunta ng Friday. Sobrang traffic! Ang dame ko nang dvds pero hindi lahat napanood ko. Yung iba nga nakatambak na!

Hay nako! At ang pinaka-impulsive move ko ay ang paglilipat ko ng school. Kasi naman dapat nagi-inquire muna ako dabah! Nag-stop pa tuloy ako ng one sem. Hehe! Pero I’ve learned from my mistake. Siguro sa UST talaga ako dapat. Siguro mas marami akong matututunan doon. Maraming mga makikilalang kaibigan. At baka dun ko SIYA makilala. Ahahaha! ASA!

I love the fact that I am impulsive. Pero siguro okay lang ito kung sa maliliit lang na bagay ang pinag-uusapan. Pero kung malaki na at life-changing, kailangan siguro pauli-ulit ko munang pag-isipan bago ako kikilos.

Random Notes:

*Mariah has a new vid. It’s so funny. Ang cute ni Jack McBrayer! Check it out.

*Tapos narin ang Philo paper! Sana makonsensya ako sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. Tsk!
*Finals na next week. The end is near! Wuhoo!
*Currently reading, “I Know This Much Is True” by Wally Lamb.
*Debate today. Let’s see how it goes.

irita ka, in all fairness to you!

2008-02-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

ang ganda-ganda ng araw ko kanina tapos bigla mo nalang sisirain!

kainis!

kung feeling mo ikaw ang tinutukoy ko, edi ikaw nga ito!

matamaan ka sana!

namumuro ka na sakin!

Huwag mo ako kakausapin kung wala kang sasabihing matino!

kapag nakikita kita, dumidilim talaga paningin ko!

palitan mo nga yang mukha mo!

ang pangit!

bili ka ng bago!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Notes:

*Currently writing Philo Paper.
*Listening to Mariah's new song "Touch My Body" LSS! sobra!
*Fantasizing everything about David Archuleta of American Idol.
*Porn. Kidding!

indie

2008-02-22T18:05:00.000-08:00

There a lot of gay independent films coming out (pun intended) and I can’t wait to watch them all. I am so thrilled that a lot of independent films nowadays are gay-themed. It just shows how accepting and tolerating our moviegoers have become. Or is it because a lot of moviegoers are gay themselves? Siguro. Malay ko. The following are the indie films that I watched (all are gay-themed except ENDO and PISAY). I ranked them from my least favorite to the best film.

6. I decided to watch Jun Lana’s 'ROXXXANNE' at Robinson’s Galleria. Its run ended on Tuesday, February 12.

Synopsis from PDI’s website:

Lead actor Jay Aquitania is Marlon, a handsome but closeted gay student who collects cell-phone porn videos to impress his friends—especially pedicab driver, Jonas (Janvier Daily), to whom he’s attracted.

Then, the sexually confused protagonist’s pastime takes a deadly turn: In his search for the ultimate sex video, he consequently ends up creating a scandal involving one of his mother’s boarders, the mysterious Roxanne (Sheree)—that leads to unspeakable tragedy!

Here is a video clip wherein Jonas asks Marlon about his sex life. The latter tries to avoid the question so that Jonas wouldn’t find out about his sexuality and his attraction for him:

My review:

*Great directing from Jun Lana.
*The actors were brilliant.
*Sheree was beautiful in every scene. Ngayon ko lang napansin na maganda pala siya.
*Janvier daily was good considering it was his first time acting.
*Jay Aquitania surprised me the most. He was perfect for the role. His acting was very engaging. You could really relate to his character especially if you’re a closeted gay man. Hindi siya gwapo sa unang tingin pero may appeal naman siya. He carried the film really well as the lead actor.
*I didn’t expect it to be funny. There were some hilarious lines delivered by Elizabeth Oropesa (Jay’s mom).
*There wasn’t any nudity or exposure in the film which was very disappointing. I’m not saying that I watched the movie just for THAT pero manonood ka na nga lang ng R18, sana may pinakita man lang. Kahit boobs man lang ni Sheree wala (hindi ko naman talaga inaabangan ang boobs nya pero wala lang, for exposure’s sake sana).
*Sa UST nag-aaral yung character ni Jay. Sharing.
*The sound wasn’t good. Parang may echo. Ang labo tuloy minsan ng ibang dialogues.
*Sobrang bitin nung film. The last scene shows Janvier whispering something to Jay. Hindi man pinaalam sa audience kung ano yung binulong niya. Nakaka-grrr!

5. Next is ‘ENDO’. I wached it at SM Manila. Nung first showing pa!

The synopsis is from imdb:

Leo's life is a series of terminable contracts. Unable to finish school and forced to be the family breadwinner, he takes on five month service-oriented jobs, one after another. Will his love affair with the spirited dreamer Tanya finally give him a taste of security and permanence?

Here is the trailer:

My review:

*This was very different. Most indie films are slow-paced and dragging but this one had a normal pace. Hindi ka maiinip.
*Ina Feleo stole every scene she was in. Sobrang ganda niya! Simple pero may dating.
*Jason Abalos was perfectly cast as the lead actor. Hindi siya na-stuck sa mediocre acting ng iba niyang Star Circle Quest’s batchmates.
*The ending was satisfying. Tamang-tama lang.
*Simple love story. Extraordinary film.

4. I watched ‘SELDA’ last February 16. It stars Sid Lucero, Emilio Garcia and Ara Mina.

Synopsis from imdb:

Set in two contrasting enivronments that undeline the same premise of imprisonment, Selda tells the story of Rommel (Sid Lucero), a young man who accidentally kills a boy, resulting in his incarceration. Inside the jail, he befriends another inmate, Esteban (Emilio), who becomes his rock and protector. Seven years later, Rommel is living in the province as a farmer together with Sita (Ara Mina) his wife. Esteban tracks down Rommel in hopes of renewing a brewing love affair. Rommel and Sita welcome Esteban into their lives, until their intimacy crosses borderlines and results in the undeniable scourge of self-discovery.

Trailer:

My review:

*Unexpected ending. Nakakagulat! Everyone in the theater gasped at what happened.
*Great Cinematography. Ganda ng kulay. Astig nung ibang mga shots.
*It’s an epic…meaning sobrang haba. 2 hours and 20 minutes. But the thing is, it’s not dragging. I agree though with some of the critics that it’s like two separate movies in one.
*The best performance of Sid Lucero. Ang galing-galing niya talaga!
*Great support from Ara Mina and Emilio Garcia.
*Soliman Cruz had the best lines.
*But then, Allan Paule had the most memorable line: “Lalaki ka, lalaki ako. Nagkatikiman tayo. Ganu’n lang yon.” Nakakatawa pa kasi nakita ko siya the next day. Taga-dito lang ata samin yun eh.
*The sexual abuse scene was heartbreaking. Grabe, nakakaawa si Rommel (Sid).
*Medyo nakulangan ako sa kissing scene ni Sid at Emilio pero na-compensate naman ng butt exposure ni Sid. Ahahaha!
*Andaming nanonood, in fairness!

3. The next film I saw was ‘DAYBREAK’. It had a 2-day initial screening at the UP Cine Adarna last February 13 and 14. I watched this with my very good friend, Margee, who is also a film enthusiast like me. Sobrang saya! The movie will have its regular run at Robinson’s Galleria on February 20-26.

Here is the synopsis from bebsims.wordpress.com:

“DAYBREAK” happens entirely in one place: a rest house in Taal, Batangas and only with two characters. In a single narrative time, intending by way of voyeurism, we discover what happens to two men spending one night contemplating whether to break up or continue their relationship. William and JP allow us to know their biggest lies and the biggest truths… two people loving each other, clinging to each other, betraying each other — trying the fragility of their feelings in only one night.

Memories and dreams, truths and lies, fears and desires, betrayal and honesty, love and hate are all closely entwined in this night.

Behind the veil of words, they are drawn to each other but will the light of the sunrise bring this intimacy to an end?

Here is the full trailer:

My review:

*I’m a bit biased with this review. Alam ko na kasi na magugustuhan ko itong film kahit hindi ko pa napapanood. Sobrang ganda kasi ng story at trailer pa lang, alam ko nang maganda. I was so excited to watch it.
*Hindi ko nasimulan kaya baka panoorin ko ito ulit sa Galleria.
*I loved it so much. It was all I expected and more. (I know Margee will disagree with me on this).
*I really like the acting (Margee disagrees once again). I like the way they looked at each other. Sobrang sincere at intense.
*I love the ‘lovemaking scenes’. Passionate talaga lalo na yung mga make-out parts. Gigil na gigil sila. Grabe, parang duduguin yung mga labi! You would really believe that they were lovers. I also got to see Coco’s and Paolo’s butts. I liked Coco’s better, they were perky. Ahahah!
*The cinematography was very commendable. Tagaytay never looked this good!
*The music was catchy especially the song played while the two guys were slow dancing.
*Astig pa kasi yung credits pinakita sa kalagitnaan nung film.
*The only bad thing about this movie is that it’s too short. One hour lang ata. Nakakabitin! I wanted more.
*I saw the director himself, Adolf Alix, Jr. pero medyo nahiya ako magpa-picture. Ini-interview pa kasi siya eh.

2. I watched ‘ANG LIHIM NI ANTONIO’ at Robinson’s Galleria. As usual! Gusto ko talaga ‘to panoorin kasi friend ni Cookai ang bida dito, si Kenji Garcia.

Synopsis:

Antonio (Kenji Garcia) is a curious fifteen-year-old boy who is beginning to come to terms with his own sexuality. Although his straight best friend, Mike (Jiro Manio), has been supportive of his coming out, his first sexual conquest has led to the destruction of his friendship with his other best buddy, Nathan.
Antonio’s exploration of his identity unfolds as his family begins to break up. His altruistic mother, Tere (Shamaine Buencamino) is in complete denial that his father has already abandoned them.
A shocking tragedy begins to spiral up as Antonio meets his hedonistic uncle Jonbert (Josh Ivan Morales), who becomes the boy’s sexual obsession.

Trailer:

My review:
*Sa una talaga, feeling ko walang kwenta yung film. Baka kasi another gay and daring film lang ito na in-exploit lamang ang mga actors. Pero hindi.
*Sensible storyline. Maganda ang pag-weave ng plot.
*Shamaine Buencamino was perfect as the mother especially the last scene wherein Kenji helped her to take a bath.
*Jiro Manio was the comic relief. Pwede pala siya mag-comedy. Josh Ivan Morales was also good as the abusive uncle.
*Pero ang pinakamagaling talaga sa lahat ay si Kenji. Hindi ako biased dito. Talagang magaling siya. Sobrang natural yung acting niya lalo na dun sa last dining room scene with his uncle. Nakakaawa siya! Ramdam na ramdam ko yung sakit. Huhuhu!
*Magulo nga lang yung camera. Mostly handheld kaya medyo lumilingon ako sa ibang lugar kasi nakakahilo.
*Tama lang yung sex scenes. May frontal sina Kenji at Josh pero hindi naman bastos yung kinalabasan.
*Mas maraming nanood nito kaysa sa 'Selda'. Puno ang theater.

1. Last but not the least is ‘PISAY’.

Synopsis:

‘Pisay’ relates the stories of eight Philippine Science High School (PSHS) students during the volatile 1980s when the Philippines was in its greatest moment in history- as the Marcos Dictatorship is ousted by the 1986 People Power Revolution to Cory Aquino's New Government- as they come of age in a time filled with excitement, conflict and change.

Trailer:

My review:

*One of the best indie films I’ve ever seen.
*Lahat ng actors especially the young ones were magnificent.
*Eugene Domingo gave the best performance especially the part when she was reminiscing the brutality of Martial Law.
*Astig ng costumes! Pang-80’s talaga.
*Andamig funny parts! Lalo na kapag nagre-report sila. Sobrang career! With matching props pa!
*I don’t cry watching movies but this one nearly made me.
*The best part was the graduation scene. Huhuhu!
*Bittersweet ending.
*Showing pa ito guys sa ibang sm cinemas. Panoorin niyo!

Random Notes:

*Nakakalungkot nga lang kasi yung mga gay films dito puro sad ending. Don’t we deserve to have a happy one for once?!?
*Instructional vid today. Good Luck!
*Member na ko ng Video City. Ahahah! Fonny.
*Please watch ‘Daybreak’ and ‘Ang Lihim ni Antonio’ at Robinson’s Galleria. Showing pa hanggang Tuesday! Pati yung 'Pisay' sa ibang SM Cinemas naman.
*Lapit na bakasyon! Wuhooo! Dami nga lang school work.
*Kelangan bumawi sa Philo. Waaaaah!

God talk

2008-02-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am not religious. I have never been. One of my earliest childhood memories is playing inside the church, not listening to a word the priest was saying. Ironically, I still do the same thing except the playing part. I guess it’s the routine that bores me the most: the standing, sitting, singing melancholic tunes as if somebody died a painful death. Most of the time, I hear the same sermon from the priest: Love your neighbors, parents, etc. I really don’t like routines—doing the same damn thing over and over again. I don’t like plans. I love spontaneity, I’m impulsive. I like doing things at a moment when I least expect to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I love God. The fact is, I have a relationship with God. I always pray to Him especially when I need the guidance. I always thank Him for the blessings He gives me. I always think of Him whenever something good happens in my life. I know that everything in my life is a gift from God. Sometimes I feel that I am so much blessed that I don’t even know what I did to deserve all of it. Whenever something bad happens to me, I also know that it is a test given to me by God. I know that a lesson is learned in every trial that comes my way.

I believe in heaven. I guess it’s my fear of death talking. I want to be assured that I will go somewhere peaceful when I die.

I don’t believe that there is a judgment day. I think that no matter how grave your sins on earth were, as long as you repent, you will go to heaven. As far as I know, God forgives.

I don’t believe everything in the Bible. Historians found a lot of loopholes in some stories in the Bible. We can never really make sure that everything started as it had been written in Genesis. Is there really Adam and Eve? I have no idea, though I am still not eliminating the fact that it might be true. Who am I to say anyway? A professor once said that it is written in the Bible (I don’t know where specifically) that homosexuality is a sin. I am a sinner, I admit. All of us are. But you can never persuade me to believe all of the things in the Bible if in fact, it states that my way of life is a sin.

I will never be religious. I am Catholic, not by choice but by birth. Once I emancipate from my parents’ grip, I will do my own thing. I only go to church because my mom wants me to. I stare into nothingness once the mass starts. I think of my friends, my crushes, etc. I can’t help but get bored. Personally, it’s better not to have a certain religion Most of the time, it even hinders you to have a relationship with God because of all the rules the religious leaders make.

At night, I have my God-time. I pray as long as I want. Sometimes, it takes me thirty minutes to an hour talking to Him. It’s nice to have someone to share your problems with, someone who will not judge you or think of you badly. As long as you do good things and as long as you don’t hurt anybody, you’re okay.

Anything goes when I talk to God. I ask Him for things that I want, may it be material or immaterial. Kris Aquino (eek!) once said in an interview, “Never Limit God’s Generosity.” What she said is definitely true. Don’t be afraid to ask something from God. Ask a lot. You never know what he’s going to fulfill.

I also tell God my secrets, my problems, my insecurities and even my sexual fantasies. He understands me like no one can. My God loves me for who I am. He doesn’t care that I am gay. He even loves me for it. He made me the way I am. He made me in His own image.

I know that a lot of people will disagree with some of my statements. This is just my opinion. This is what I believe in. Just like what they say, to each his own.

Now I rest. Haaay!

Random Notes:

*Amy Winehouse grabbed most of the Grammys last Monday. Her performance was incredible! LSS na ako sa “Rehab”
*The Hollywood Writer’s Strike is finally over. New episodes from Grey’s Anatomy will air on April.
*I want classic iPod. Kahit 2nd hand okay lang. Sino pwedeng benefactor dyan? Hahaha!
*I finally reached my 1,000th hit on this site. Yey!
*Valentine’s Day is also over. Wuhoo! Sorry, single eh.

someone

2008-02-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

I know I was a ‘downer’ last week. I’m okay now. Fine. Now that it is done, I’m starting to feel again the February vibe: the Valentine’s vibe! I don’t have anyone. Ha! Shocker! I have always waited and I know that everyone says that the time will come eventually. I know it will come. I believe it will come. I hope that it will come. Oo na! Cheesy na ako…hopeless romantic. Lahat na! I always wonder and fantasize what it would be like to have that special person in your life, to have that SOMEONE...

Someone who would put his arms around me at night.

Someone who would not go to school to take care of me because I’m sick.

Someone who would surprise me with a book I’ve been looking for a long time, proclaiming he bought it at an expensive price, later confessing that he just found it in Booksale.

Someone who would make sure that I went home safely.

Someone who would ask me if everything’s alright.

Someone who would watch indie films with me at rob galle and say that he never understood what the story was about.

Someone who would give me a shirt as a gift because he knows how much I hate shopping.

Someone who would quit smoking and drinking because I told him to.

Someone who would still have time for his own family and friends.

Someone who would work hard to get ahead on his chosen career.

Someone who would watch chick flicks with me and say that it was better than the indie film we saw.

Someone who would tell me that I need to take a bath because I stink.

Someone who would fart and deny that it was him.

Someone who would offer me the last bite of his yumburger with tlc.

Someone who would tell me that I look better than the guys we would pass by in the mall.

Someone who would hold my hand in public and not care what other people think.

Someone who would constantly deny that he likes Mariah Carey but knows by heart the lyrics of Fantasy, Dreamlover, Always Be My Baby, Honey, Heartbreaker and We Belong Together.

Someone who would hug me so tight like he wouldn’t want me to let go.

Someone who would give me a soft and quick kiss like we were doing it and would do it for the rest of our lives.

Someone who would get along and joke around with my friends.

Someone who would write sweet notes and slip it inside my books.

Someone who I would argue with over petty things and say our sorries afterwards.

Someone who would sit with me in silence, no words needed, just enjoying the fact that we’re together.

Someone who would cook for me the best spaghetti in the world.

Someone who would laugh at himself because of an embarrassing moment he had.

Someone who would make me feel safe in his company.

Someone who would never cease to amaze me.

Someone who would still force a smile even at the most miserable moment of his life.

Someone who would watch all the episodes of Grey’s Anatomy just because I keep talking about it.

Someone who would introduce me to everyone as his lover, partner and friend.

Someone who would say that my joke is ‘corny’ but laughs incessantly.

Someone who would tell me that I’m getting skinnier even if the truth is that I am really gaining weight.

Someone who would rather spend his time with me than go to Boracay with his colleagues.

Someone who would wake me up in the morning so that I wouldn’t be late for class.

Someone who would say ‘I love you’ in the middle of the day for no apparent reason.

Someone who would text me and ask if I already ate and if I hadn’t, he would look for me with a take-out from Jollibee.

Someone who would say that he loves me whenever I feel like the biggest loser in the world.

Someone who would wipe my sweat because I perspire profusely.

Someone who would dance with me even if he has two left feet.

Someone who would sing for me even if he doesn’t know how to carry a tune.

Someone who would look at me intently and smile.

Someone who would love me for who I am, what I do and what I believe in.

Someone who would spend the rest of his life with me.

Random Notes:

*Ang cheesy talaga! Sorry.
*My hair’s growing out. It’s starting to scare me.
*I’ve been reading a lot of books lately. Kinda weird. I’m beginning to read at least one book every week.
*Finished ‘The Virgin Suicides’. After reading the book, I went to Quiapo right away to buy the dvd. Ang hirap hanapin! I got one after several minutes of roaming around.
*AB Week. Di ako apektado.
*Belated Happy Birthday Ma'am Cely!!! Ayan ha, BINATI ko na si ma'am.

outburst

2008-02-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

WARNING: The following blog entry that you are about to read is very negative, depressing, full of irritable and pessimistic statements from the writer against himself. To further feel his sentiments, just imagine him shouting all the words to you with so much anger and annoyance.

-*-*Naiinis talaga ako sa sarili ko. There were a lot of things that happened these past few days which lead to this outburst. I salute Celine for saying how she felt last Theology class. Minsan mapupuno ka nalang talaga at ang sarap ng pakiramdam na ipagsigawan sa mga tao ang totoong nararamdaman mo. Naguguluhan lang ako. Naiinis ako kasi ang feeler ko. Kahit hindi naman tungkol sa akin, feeling ko tungkol parin sa akin. At ang totoo, hindi naman talaga nila ako pinapansin or kilala man lang. Kapag may dumadaan, feeling ko ako yung tinitingnan. Dur! As if! Hindi naman ako gwapo para mag-feeling!

Ang yabang yabang ko pa! Kahit wala naman dapat ipagmalaki tungkol sakin, nagyayabang parin ako. Never ako naging humble at naiinis ako dahil dun. Feeling ko tuloy ang dami nang naasar sakin. Pakunwari pa! Wala naman talagang dapat ipagmalaki. Lahat naman ng tao nagagawa yun. Hindi ako special. I am definitely no one but I am acting like I’m this Supreme Being who knows everything. Madalas ako manliit ng tao. Pakiramdam ko, alam ko ang lahat. Pakiramdam ko mas marami akong alam at mas nakakataas ako sa ibang tao. Nakakapanggigil talaga.

Impulsive pa ako. Naging kumplikado tuloy ‘tong pag-aaral ko dahil diyan!

Pasikat ako. Naiinis ako kasi hindi ko mapigilan na bigla na lang ako magpapapansin. Biglang lalakasan yung boses, magjo-joke na hindi naman dapat. Grrr talaga! Hindi ko pa matikom ang bibig ko. I just don’t know how to censor myself. Kahit anong biglang sumagi sa isip ko, sinasabi ko without even knowing if I would hurt someone. I don’t want to be this insensitive person that I am turning into!

Naiinis pa ko dahil sobrang mainipin ako. Sobrang masungit! Ibang-iba ako sa school at sa bahay. Kung nasusungitan kayo sa akin minsan sa school, lalong napakasungit ko sa bahay. Kapag umuuwi kasi, gusto ko magpahinga nalang. Naiinis ako sa mga tao dito sa bahay kasi ang iingay nila! Wala ka pang privacy dahil tatlo lang ang kwarto para sa walong tao na tumitira dito. I never had my own room kaya bad trip talaga ako lagi. Kaya gusto ko narin mag-apartment! Lagi kong sinusungit ang mga tao dito sa bahay. Ang ayoko pa ay kapag nanonood ako ng tv, gusto ko tahimik, as in walang nagsasalita. Nanonood ako ng tv para maiintindihan yun mga sinasabi ng mga tao, paano ako makaka-concentrate kung ang iingay ng mga tao dito?!?!!?!? Naiinis ako pero mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil ganito nga ako umarte.

Siguro hindi niyo ito napapansin sa akin pero ito ang napansin ko sa sarili ko. Sobrang gigil na gigil na talaga ako. Hindi ko gusto ang ako na nakikita ko sa salamin. I am not the person that I wanted to be. Minsan gusto ko nalang barilin ang sarili ko. Don’t worry. I’m just exaggerating. Hindi ako suicidal…when I say it’s over. I’m way too cool for you boy, that’s why it’ll never work.

Random Notes:

*I’m really sorry if the thoughts on this blog entry are not coherent. I just want to use this blog as an outlet for what I am feeling right now.
*It’s February. There’s nothing to be excited about. As if I have a Valentine!
*Finished ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’. Sobrang sweet. Imagine waiting for your one true love for fifty years, nine months and four days!!!
*I’m starting to read ‘The Joy Luck Club’
*I finally have a copy of ‘The Adventures of Mimi’. Pirated nga lang, pero okay na. Si Mariah Carey parin yun! At yung supposed-to-be 2 disc ng orig ay nasa 1 disc lang sa pirata. Sosyalan!
*Watched ‘Juno’ and ‘No Country for Old Men’ on dvd. I liked Juno better. Siguro dahil hindi ko naintindihan masyado yung No Country. Ahahaha! Ang gulo pa ng ending. I enjoyed Juno because it’s an independent film. Ayoko ng sobrang commercialized. Puro form lang, walang substance. Hehe! Juno is light but still a very smart comedy. Hafta watch ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ again, just for the nostalgia.
*Watched ’27 dresses’ alone last Wednesday. Although cheesy, predictable and definitely formulaic, it’s still a feel-good movie. Don’t expect a deep and mind-boggling experience. Just enjoy it!
*My first month of blogging was great. Thank You for all those people who keep reading my entries…kahit alam kong napilitan lang kayo. Hoy mag-comment ka!

the man in me

2008-01-25T05:40:00.000-08:00

There a lot of things that I do which make me still a guy. Don’t get me wrong, I know who I am and I am not trying to be someone else. It’s just that there are still qualities that I have which I consider manly. Though I have to warn you first, I am NOT claiming that these qualities apply to all men. Most of them do, anyway.

I am still a guy because…I hate shopping for clothes. There is something with a room full of clothes that makes me nauseous. Hindi ko talaga matiis ang mga damit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kaya bago pa lang ako bumili ng damit, alam ko na kung ano bibilhin ko, kung saan at kung magkano para pagdating ko doon, isusukat ko nalang at babayaran. Kapag pumupunta ako ng mall kasama ang mga ate ko, humihiwalay ako sa kanila dahil alam kong sa mga damit sila pupunta. Either tatambay nalang ako sa bookstore or sa starbucks habang hinihintay ko sila matapos. Hindi naman kasi ako maporma; t-shirt, jeans at tsinelas, okay na ko. Again as I have stated, this quality doesn’t apply to all men. Sa dinami-dami ba namang mga metrosexual ngayon, hindi na bago ang mapormang lalake. Kung minsan pa nga, sila pa ang mas matagal mag-shopping kaysa sa mga girls.

I am still a guy because…I respect women a lot. Maybe it’s because I have lived my whole life with women around me. Since seaman ang papa ko, ang kasama ko lang sa bahay ay si mama, ang tatlo kong ate, ang pamangkin ko na babae din, ang pinsan kong babae, at ang katulong namin na malamang ay babae din. Well, yun ang sinabi nya samin. Haha! Anyway, I love women. Most of my friends are women. I respect them so much kaya hindi ko sila matingnan in a sexual way. Hindi talaga pwede.

I am still a guy because…I rarely cry. Hindi talaga ako emotional na tao. Siguro mga twice a year lang ako umiiyak. I never cry even if I watch sad and heartbreaking movies. Siguro huli kong iniyakan ay “A Walk To Remember”. I always feel sad pero talagang walang luhang tumutulo. Kadalasan, naiipon lang sila sa mata pero hindi talaga tumutulo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Kapag naawa ako sa isang tao, sasabihin ko lang “kakawa naman siya” or kung may nangyaring malungkot, sasabihin ko “ay, ang sad naman nun”. Wala talagang luha. Kahit lagyan ko pa ng vicks yan, wa epek!

I am still a guy because…I find girl-on-girl action hot. This may be contradictory to the whole “respect women” thing. But still, I really can’t help it when I see two girls kiss. There’s something sexy about it.

I am still a guy because…burara akong tao. Kung nakita niyo lang ang bag ko, parang second branch ng payatas. Ako ang nag-franchise. Minsan nga takot na kong buksan ang bag ko kasi baka bigla akong may makitang ipis. Magulo talaga ako sa gamit. Kapag dumating ako sa bahay, maghuhubad ako at iniiwan ko lang ang mga damit sa lapag kaya lagi ako napapagalitan ng mama ko. Ito rin ang dahilan kaya madalas akong mawalan ng gamit. Laging nami-misplaced.

I am still a guy because…I have a very bad handwriting. I always convince myself that it is because I am left-handed. Pero sa tingin ko hindi talaga iyon ang dahilan. Pangit lang talaga ang sulat ko. Kung minsan pa nga kapag tinitingnan ko ang notes ko, hindi ko parin mismo maintindihan ang mga pinagsusulat ko.

I am still a guy because…I don’t get scared watching horror movies. Maybe because most of them are outrageously unbelievable to the point of being hilarious, kaya natatawa lang ako. Lalong-lalo na kung si Kris Aquino ang bida. (Favorite comedy show ko nga ang Patayin Sa Sindak Si Barbara. Parang laging constipated si Kris. Kung ano ang acting niya sa Pido Dida, ganun parin hanggang ngayon.) Kung minsan pa nga, mag-isa lang ako manood ng horror movies at mahimbing na mahimbing parin ang tulog ko kapag gabi na.

I am still a guy because…I watch porn. Enough said. Ahahahahahahaha!

Random Notes:

*Heath Ledger is dead. Um, no comment. Di kami close.
*Kat and I watched P.S. I Love You. It’s so nice. Nakakaiyak pero walang luhang lumabas. Ganun talaga!
*I am close to finishing Love in the Time of Cholera. Finally!
*My sister is pregnant. I’m going to be an uncle for the second time. Loves it!
*Thanks for those who gave comments dito sa blog kahit alam kong napilitan lang kayo dahil paulit-ulit ko kayong kinukulit.
*As of today, I got 485 hits from 232 different people. Yey! 400 of those hits are from me. Ahahahaha!
*Para dun sa mga nag-view na taga-US: Hey y’all! Yung dalawang taga-Japan: Chukchakchenes! Yung isang taga-Bahrain: Salamalaykum Malaykumsala. Huh? At para dun sa isang taga-India: kausapin mo nalang si Farshid Rastegar. Ay, taga-Iran pala yun! Sorry.

the resolutions

2008-01-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

It’s the second week of January. It’s a bit late to list my New Year’s Resolutions but I’m doing it anyway. I know a lot of people don’t do resolutions anymore because most of the time, they never come true. In my case though, I love having resolutions. It just means that I want to become a better person every year or at least try to become a better person. Plus, it’s fun. Wala nang pakialamanan!

10. Take my studies lightly.

People always have the opposite resolution, that they will try to study harder and get higher grades than before. Pero baliko talaga ako mag-isip. It’s not that I don’t value education. I do. It’s just that I don’t want it be the focus of my life because I believe that real life lessons are learned outside the four walls of a classroom. I always look forward to going to school just to see my friends. I also go to school to get a diploma and apply for a job. Don’t get me wrong, though. I love to learn new things. I love learning but I hate studying (Natalie Portman-ism). Haha! Good thing that my parents never pressured me to get high grades. As long as I pass, they’re okay. That’s the same from me. Basta huwag lang ako babagsak. I’m still a little scared with my Philo, Biology and English grades.

9. Continue my no-rice diet and my exercise routine.

I never weighed myself because I never really cared. But then again, when I learned that I reached 200 lbs. when I was 15, I knew I had to do something. I started working out. I did everything from MTV Grind to Cardio Kung Fu, to Yoga and Pilates and now, Hip-hop Abs. They seem to work with me. I like to do different stuffs because I get bored easily. When it comes to my diet, I started eating meals with no rice by March of 2006. It will be my 2nd year in two months. Yey! 135-140lbs. na ata ako ngaun. So I guess everything worked. 65lbs. is very hard to lose.

8. Be patient.

This is one flaw that I can really admit about myself. I hate waiting for people. This is the reason why most of the time, I’m always the one who’s late. Mas gusto kong ako ang hinihintay kaysa ako yung naghihintay. Maikli talaga pasensya ko. Sorry lang. Another instance is when I wait for things to come or to happen. I have always wished that Marco would come already because I’m tired of waiting for him. Who is Marco? He is what I call my future someone. Pinangalanan ko siya kasi wala akong magawa sa buhay ko. Again, walang pakialamanan! Haha! I really like the name Marco for a guy. I guess he will come when the time is right. I remember what my 4th year Physics teacher said, “I believe that there is that one person destined for you, given to you by God. Pray for him/her (in my case, him *hihi*) even if you haven’t met each other. Ask God to bless him already, make him well, make him a better person, make him learn from his mistakes, make him a good person, make him the man you’ve always wanted so that when the right time comes that you two meet, both of you are already prepared to build a relationship based on love and centered on God”. Lagi ko na siyang pinagdadasal from then on. Nice, nice!

7. Avoid cracking offensive jokes.

Minsan hindi ko talaga napapansin na nakakasakit na pala ako sa mga jokes ko. Sorry. There is an exception to this resolution and that is when it comes to professors, it is okay to joke offensively. Sky’s the limit. *evil laugh*.

6.Read a book at least once a month

I am not a voracious reader. Uy, naka synonym yan. Haha! I started to read novels when I was 12. I read the Harry Potter books, Nicholas Sparks, Paulo Coelho, Amy Tan, Lualhati Bautista (represent!), Helen Fielding, Alice Walker, and my collection of gay books. I would always write the date when I bought the book on the first page while the date when I finished reading it on the last page. I do that because it always seems like an adventure when I read books and every now and then, I look back on the pages and know when I had taken that journey with the characters. I also have this habit of underlining phrases and sentences that strike me the most. I like reading them all again and reflect the lessons I’ve learned from the book.

5. Be a good friend.

I love my friends so much and they’re very good to me. I want to pay them all back with same kindness. I will be a good listener. I will try my very best to give the greatest advice in the world. I will always be here. Mahal ko kayo! In line with this, I will also learn how to keep the secrets of my friends. I violated this resolution recently. I promise from now on that I will never ever tell someone’s secret to others. Sobrang nakaka-konsensya!

4. Be selfless.

Meaning, I will not be vain, conceited and self-absorbed. I don’t want to be shallow. Nakakababa yun ng pagkatao.

My mom is a hairdresser and we had our own parlor once. But when my mom got a job at a salon in Alabang, we had to dispose some of the things in our business. Of all the things she should’ve disposed, she kept three of our life-sized mirrors. They’re on three separate corners of our house. Kaya’t bawa’t lingon mo sa bahay ay makikita mo ang iyong sarili. Magiging vain ka talaga kahit ayaw mo. Kaya ngayon, pag nadadaanan ko yung mga salamin, yumuyuko nalang ako. Para akong gago.

I will also try not to be superficial in any way. There’s always more to a person than his looks. Looks fade, ika nga. Substance over form dapat. =) When people ask me what I want in a boyfriend, I always say that he has to be selfless, MAGALING MAGLUTO AT MAG-BAKE (hihi) and he doesn’t have to be good-looking. Okay na kahit cute lang. Ano naman gagawin ko sa gwapo? Magtititigan kami?

3. Be a good son and a good brother.

I love my family. I love my mom. She’s the most generous person I know. Alam niyo bang 300 pesos and baon ko araw-araw? I’m not bragging or anything; it just shows how giving my mother really is. Minsan kahit hindi naman ako humihingi, nagbibigay parin. Kaya minsan nakokonsensya ako. Most of the time, I think that I don’t deserve to be her son. She’s very understanding. Nakiki-ride pa sa mga jokes ko. I also love my three sisters. They are the most fun people in the world. Sobrang bait. Wala kang irereklamo. Kaya kapag kasama ko sila, halatang-halata na ako ang black sheep. Dati yung pangalawa kong ate ang black sheep kasi maaga nabuntis pero ngayon, ako na. Haha!

I’m not close with my father because he’s a seaman. Meaning, we rarely see each other. I will still try to be civil with him and I will do everything he asks me to.

2. Update this blog every Friday.

Pinagkalat ko na sa lahat na may blog ako kaya kailangan ko na talaga magsulat dito. I write my entries before Friday. Like this one, I’m writing it today which is a Wednesday because we have no classes (Nazareno). Then I will post it on Friday. Mas madali kapag ganun eh. By the way, I got 129 hits from 63 hosts since my first post last Friday. Yey!

AND NOW, MY NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION FOR THE YEAR 2008 IS…

1. I will never cut my hair and never shave any facial hair for the whole year.

I really don’t know why I’m doing this or if I can even do it. This is in line with my number four resolution which includes my goal to not be superficial. I shouldn’t care about the way I look. As long as I smell good, I’m okay. I will let every hair grow. I have no idea what I would end up looking like by the end of the year, maybe a modern homo erectus? Mabuhok pa naman ako. Haha! Good luck nalang sakin.

Random Notes:

*I hate the fact that Ruben won in Pinoy Big Brother. I was rooting for Gaby or Will and I wanted Riza to die and burn in hell. Dahil lang mahirap si Ruben kaya siya nanalo. Eh di sana wala nalang sila isaling mayaman. Kainis!
*Prelims next week, hafta study. Grrr!
*I finally watched “Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo” with Kat. The movie was good, even better than the first one. Gina Pareno is one hilarious actress. Ang galing! Kahit wala na si Judy Ann at Ryan sa movie, okay lang. By the way, me likey-likey the guy who played Judy Ann’s brother, AJ Perez. He’s too young, though: 14 years old. Oh no!
*Guys, comment kau! Kahit anonymous users pwede na. harhar!

starting anew.

2008-01-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

Finally, may blog narin ako after weeks of telling everyone na magkakaroon ako. By the way, Taglish ako magpo-post ha? I just want the words to come out smoothly na parang ako talaga ang nagsusulat. Kasi minsan feeling ko kapag nag pure English or Filipino ako, parang pilit. I’m not a very good writer. Tama lang. This is like my 5th blog. My first was in tabulas, then two each sa blogger at livejournal. Kumusta naman dabah? Wala talaga akong disiplina magsulat at kadalasan wala naman talaga ako masusulat kasi medyo boring ang life ko. Pero ngayon, I will try my very best to write every Friday para wala naman masyadong pressure kasi kung everyday,baka maubusan ako ng sasabihin. I’m not even sure if anyone would even bother to read what I have to write. Still, I will promise that every entry would be sensical, kaya nga “Jhong’s trying to make sense” ang title ng blog. I just made my url simply jhongvalencia.blogspot.com para hindi ko makalimutan at madaling tandaan. Yeyeyeye!

Before I forget, I would like to thank muchy much Karen Victoriano for my banner. Love you much for taking the time para sa aking kaartehan. Galing mo ever! And to Kat, for fixing everything last night. Maraming Salamat!

So what would I write in this blog? Malamang puro kabaklaan ! Harhar! My posts would range from anything gay, anything books, movies, television shows and broadway. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko magsulat about values and life lessons. Syempre without being too preachy. Ayoko naman mag-sermon at hindi rin naman ako nag-fi-feeling na santo. Hindi ako santo. Santa lang. Ngyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Since I’m still not in the mood to write a proper blog, I would just like to share a kwento na nangyare sa akin ngayong Thursday. I was in 2pol2 when I saw a copy of the new issue of the Varsitarian. There was an article about the recently concluded Gawad Ustetika, a writing contest in UST. Sumali ako dito at sa kasamaang palad, natalo ang dalawa kong entry. Nagsulat ako sa category na TULA at KATHA. Nag-expect pa naman ako. Harhar! Well, may next time pa naman. Gusto ko lang i-post yung dalawa sa mga tulang sinulat ko na part ng collection ko na may title na “Aparador” which is obviously about a gay man’s life in and out of the closet. Kahit hindi ito nanalo, sobrang proud parin ako sa gawa ko. Love your own, ika nga.

SA LABAS NG APARADORR

Sabi ko kay nanay, “Bakla ako.”
sampal sa mukha
walang katapusang sermon.

Sabi ko kay tatay, “Bakla ako.”
suntok sa mukha
pasa ang napala.

Sabi ko kay kuya, “Bakla ako.”
pagdura
kandadong pinto.

Sabi ko kay ate, “Bakla ako.”
malakas na halakhak
hahahahaha!

Sabi ko sa mga kaibigan, “Bakla ako.”
pagsira sa tiwala
paglayo.

Sabi ko sa mundo, “Bakla ako.”
pangungutya,
pag-apak sa pagkatao.

Sabi ko sa sarili, “Bakla ako.”
ngiti,
malaya na ako.

NGAYONG GABI NA PUNO NG LIWANAG

tayo ay magsasama
ngayong gabi na puno ng liwanag
babalutin
ang kapaligiran ng katahimikan.
walang hangin ang iikot
maliban sa hininga ng isa’t isa
nakapinid
ang pinto
lalapit ka sa akin
dahan-dahan
nakaharap
kaba’y nararamdaman
maikli lamang
ang distansyang namamagitan
titingin ka sa aking mga mata
hahawakan ang mga kamay
dahan-dahang aakyat
sa aking bisig
sa dibdib
balikat
leeg
mukha
kay lalim ng iyong titig
bihag mo ako
maglalaro ang iyong mga daliri
sa aking labi
lalapit ang iyong mukha
maglalapat ang ating mga bibig
madiin
magdidikit
magsasama
maglalaro
ating mga dila
maghahalo ang laway
sa pagbigat ng hangin
matatanggal ang saplot
sa katawan natin
ihihiga mo ako sa iyong kama
hahaplusin at yayakapin
aangkinin mo ako
ako ay ikaw
ikaw ay ako
tayo ay isa
ngayong gabi na puno ng liwanag

Well, that’s it. Thank you for taking the time to even read this. Sana ay may napulot kayong aral sa aking mga sinulat kahit mukhang wala naman talaga. Magsusulat ako ulit ng bagong entry next week at sana mas makubuluhan iyon kaysa dito. Kahit huwag na kayo mag-comment, okay lang. Ganyan naman kayo eh. Joke. Oi, comment na kayo pleeeeaaaasseeee? =)

Random Notes:

*Bat si Jon ang tinanggal sa pbb?!?!??!?!?! Aaaarrrggghhh! Kill, Riza/Ryza! Di ko alam spelling eh.
*Tapos ko na yung “She’s Come Undone” na book. asteEg, in all fairness to the writer!
*I have to finish “Love in the Time of Cholera” naman.
*I haven’t even read a chapter of the Karunungan. Good Luck sa akin.
*Hindi ko pa napapanood yung “Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo” or any other movies in the filmfest. Kainis!